Bono blogs from Heaven

Bono Gabaldon, January 26th 2002 - July 25th 2010

Yup. I'm blogging from heaven! If you could buy a cat blogging period, I guess a cat blogging from heaven is not much of a streach. Not really sure what I died of. I always thought it would be cirrhosis of the liver. But that's not important now. I took me some negotiating to get permission to do this. I'm under strict guidelines. For instance I can't disclose the answers to the questions that you Earthlings have been searching for years. I know the answers now. Like who killed JFK? What happened to Amilia Earhart? Is there life anywhere other than earth? Scarlet Johanssen, real or fake? Who put the bop in the bopshabopshabop? How come American drug dealers and addicts can figure out the metric system but the rest of us can't? I also finally found out where I lost my wallet in 2005. That night was crazier than I thought. Anyway. I can give a few details. After I was put down, I followed the light to the "Pearly Gates". By the way "the light" is not quite a bright as everybody seems to think. The gates were beautiful though. I'm told they were recently redesigned to a member of Martha Stewart's staff that had passed away. If you think dying is getting you away from Martha Stewart think again. That lady made more money in jail that %99 of you will earn in a life time. In front of the gate St. Peter is behind a counter in front of a computer terminal. There is a wall behind him that has bounced tithe checks tacked on it. I trot up to the counter and we have this conversation.

St. Peter: Bono, Hey hows it going?
Me: Aside from just dying I guess I'm ok.
St. Peter. Good. Now lets see if you get in.
Me: I might not be in?!
St. Peter: No, you might not be in. I have to run you thru the computer to see if you made it.(He starts typing my name in. I wait nervously. He hits enter and a pop up appears in the middle of the screen that says the system is searching. 30 seconds pass and still nothing. St. Peter look over and says...)

St. Peter: Sorry, this thing has been taking a while since we switched to Windows Vista. We had MAC's for a while but we switched back to Microsoft. After the economy crashed God had more money than Bill Gates again, so he was cool switching back...Ohh there we go. Whoow! You just barely made it. Oh, I see you are quite the gambler.

Me: How do you know that by looking at the computer.

St. Peter: It has a list of all of your prayers. Most of them involve the results of field goals, free throws and photo finishes. Here, let me open the gate for you. When you get in make a right and you'll see a sportsbar. Jesus will be there waiting for you.

I don't wait for the gate to open I skip thru in between the bars. Head to the sportsbar. Jesus is there waiting for me. As soon as I sit down, two plates of chicken tacos and two ice cold beers appear. I ask how did you know that's what I wanted. He give me a funny look and says "I'm Jesus". Then I was like "Oh yeah!". Anyway he told me how everything works up here. You know the whole no sorrow, no pain bit which sounds great to me. After lunch with Jesus, I meet up with loved ones up here. I had a nap with my biological mom. Talked to a couple brothers from my litter(I only had brothers). I told them all my Carty stories and we had a big laugh. I met up with my Grandpa, uncle Chesse and Cousin Ivan. Also, had some laughs there. Mama, Grandpa is as crazy up here as he was down there! Anyway to rap things up. I know some of you will miss me. Especially my Mama. I can't say I'll miss you. We don't do that type of thing up here. I know we'll be together in due time. Thanks to everyone that read my blog at some point. I hope you got a chuckle. I'm going to do more fun things now....see ya later....Bono.


Note from author(Bono's Dad):

This blog was written primarily to make my wife laugh. Most of the opinions and thoughts on this blog are mine. However Bono was much of the inspiration behind it. He was my muse I guess. Of course he had no interest in beer, football, politics etc. But much of his personality was part of this. He did enjoy anything with tuna, fighting with his brother, keeping his paws impeccably white, watching the sunrise and most of all spending time next to his Mom. He had been sick off and on for most of this year. But in early May to mid-July he was %100 healthy till his final illness. After a week in the hospital we were able to bring him home. His final two days were spent with his family at his side in his room. He got to watch his final two sunrises being petted by his Mom. He would have done the same for her if the roles were reversed. As he always had a keen sense of when she was sick or depressed. In those times he would never leave her side. Bono was and is very special to us. He will be missed dearly and never be forgotten.

Bono is very sick in the hospital. Please pray for him.

Where the hell is my healthcare?

I've been laid up with a case of pancreatitis lately. If you don't know what that is it's the inflammation of your pancreas. It's the organ that releases enzymes to digest food. When it's inflamed it releases and excessive amount of the enzyme and your body tries to digest it self. It's not quite as fun as it sounds. I was out of it for a couple days. Had a couple very costly trips to the vet. I have health insurance. Yes, I'm a cat with health insurance. If you are one of those people that complain that I'm a cat with health insurance but we have kids starving in Africa with no health care etc. I'm not apologizing for it. That's your problem. Well the insurance does not cover everything. And the problem with this pancreatits issue is that it can be chronic. I might have to deal with this for the rest of my life. Which brings me to the health care issue. Clearly things haven't really been stimulated by our stimulus "plan". You didn't think I would stop complaining because the guy I wanted to win won did you? I feel obligated to complain more now when things don't go the way I think they should. Anyway, we dropped about $3 Trillion on the stimulus. I thought we should have just jacked it up to $10 Trill or so. What the hell, $21 Trillion deficit or $28 Trillion deficit, will we be any less screwed at 21 rather than 28? I say we take the extra $7 trill from the proposed Bono's super stimulus and spend it to get everybody health care. Domestic animals included. I'm not sure why people get so offended by this. Do they really like having a huge premium ripped from their paycheck and handed over their shitty HMO? They feel bad for insurance companies? They like not having coverage when they are laid off? I don't get it. If you are against this, you will like it more once faced with the threat of chronic illness. Trust me. I decided to take action on this issue. I thought I would look into contacting my Government representatives office's. I considered calling Harry Reid's office, but clearly that dip shit can't get anything done. I looked into my who Congressional Representative is. I quickly forgot who it was after the last election. Carty always remembers shit like this. So we had this conversation. Me: Carty, who represents our district in Congress. Carty: Dina Titus. Me:"Son of a Bitch"!!! Yes, the lady that I though was mentally disabled when I watched her campaign commercials was my second option. I already had pancreatitis. The last thing I needed was a case of Dina Panreatitus. Thank you. I'll be here all week.



Do these goobers instill confidence in you? Me neither.


Now I was down to our other Senator, John Ensign. I don't really care that he was banging one of his campaign workers. I'm more offended that he was part of the Republican regime that presided over this whole economic mess in the first place. Asking for his help or any other Republican that was around during the Bush years, is like asking a fat person for dietary advice. What they say might actually be correct, they just have no credibility. So in short it seems I'm screwed.....On a happier note, Super Bowl Sunday is almost here! Since I haven't been feeling well I haven't had a drink in over three weeks. This is the longest stretch with out drink since I was in my 20's when my ex suggested that I lay off the sauce. I got rid of her shortly after I realized she was trying to change me. Note to woman. Human men and cat men are very similar in this sense. We are both willing to change, but you have to make us think it was our own idea. Much easier said then done. Anyway, I'm feeling better now and if I continue to do so is might knock a few down for the game.....Super Bowl predictions: The Colts will beat the Saints 31-20 and at least one member of The Who will break a hip during the halftime performance. This is not an exaggeration. If the members of The Who were American they would qualify for Medicare. Memo to the NFL. If the halftime act is too old if they have members that can die of natural causes and nobody would be surprised.....I'd like to do a shout out to my Auntie Shiloh. We both had birthday's since my last post. We are both older than we care to admit. We both didn't get anything particularly good for our birthday and still have not gotten anything from my Mama.