Poker Anyone?

This past Saturday night Myself and Carty hosted our "5th annual Feline Only No-Limit Texas Hold'em Poker Tournament to Benefit Under Privileged Cats". Long title, I know. But can you think of a better one? Once a year we have a big poker tournament for the area cats. Half the entry fees to go to underprivileged cats. Yes, once a year I'm capable of not being a self centered A-Hole. Some pictures are posted below. The tournament was once again a big success. Even better than most years. On top of the money we raised only two cats had to be escorted out of the building for lewd or dangerous behavior and no tables were flipped over out of frustration. A first for our tournament. Last year Flaco(our nip dealer) was arrested. He claims he wasn't arrested, but instead the police had him placed in "protective custody" because he was "a danger to himself and others" and he was not actually charged with anything. He was released the next morning. I attribute the improved behavior due to us having a cash bar rather than an open bar this year. Cats as people, tend to drink less if they actually have pay for it. On the downside, LV Mayor Oscar Goodman as been MC for the tournament in previous years. He was committed again this year, but when he found out that there was not an open bar this year, suddenly "something came up". Oh, well...I like poker. Not as much a much as betting on sports or horses. But it makes for a great time to spend with friends and family. And only friends and family. I say that because if you go to a casino and play with a bunch of strangers, chances are you'll be sitting at table with nine of the most hideous, vile people you'll ever meet. A few year's ago poker experienced a huge boom in this Country. It's since fizzled considerably. Mostly because rational individuals such as Myself refuse to sit with these idiots. A few years back there were enough people into poker to where your might run in to a few normal human beings. Not anymore. They've all been run off. I would rather play poker with inmates in the rec room at the Clark County jail than at the poker room at the Bellagio. I would feel safer and the conversation would be more intelligent.


Enjoying some nip at the table


Enjoying more nip at the table


Carty contemplating a big call before the river card


P.S. Happy Halloween! I guess....Me and Carty are going to a friends party. I stated before I hate costumes. I'm dressing up a cat that hates costumes. Carty is going as "Joe the Plumber".

PICKS OF THE WEEK.....LAST WEEK(2-3)...SEASON(21-19-2)

MISSOURI -20.5 AT BAYLOR
BOISE ST -20.5 AT NEW MEXICO ST.
BILLS -5.5 VS JETS
STEELERS +2 AT REDSKINS
BRONCOS -3.5 VS MIAMI

BONO VS. MAMA....BONO-LAST WEEK(5-7-2) SEASON(55-55-5)..MAMA-LAST WEEK(5-7-2) SEASON(51-59-5)

TEXANS +5 AT VIKINGS......B-VIKINGS.....M-TEXANS
JAGUARS -7.5 AT BENGALS.....B-JAGS.....M-JAGS
BUCS -8 AT CHIEFS......B-CHIEFS.....M-BUCS
RAVENS +2 AT BROWNS.....B-RAVENS.....M-RAVENS
JETS +5.5 AT BILLS.....B-BILLS....M-JETS
CARDINALS -3 AT RAMS.....B-RAMS.....M-CARDS
LIONS +12.5 AT BEARS.....B-BEARS....M-BEARS
PACKERS +5 AT TITANS.....B-PACKERS....M-TITANS
DOLPHINS +3.5 AT BRONCOS....B-BRONCOS.....M-DOLPHINS
FALCONS +3 AT RAIDERS.....B-RAIDERS....M-FALCONS
COWBOYS +7.5 AT GIANTS....B-GIANTS....M-GIANTS
EAGLES -7 AT SEAHAWKS.....B-EAGLES....M-SEAHAWKS
PATRIOTS +5 AT COLTS......B-COLTS....M-PATS
STEELERS +2 AT REDSKINS....B-STEELERS....M-SKINS

I thought going to the vet was bad.

My Mama had to go to UMC Quick Care this week. When I say "quick" and "care", I say it holding sarcastic air quotations because the place really doesn't provide care nor is it done quickly. Due to confidentiality I can't tell you why she had to go. I was lucky enough to not have...ok you talked me into it. She had some scare tissue removed from her leg a couple weeks ago(from a Dr. she won't be going back to) and the suture holes from the procedure started to get infected. She went to get some antibiotics before it got worse. I was lucky enough to not have to go with her. But a couple years back my Dad had a horrid cough that wouldn't go away. So he gritted his teeth and went to UMC Quick Care. My Mama suggested I go with him to keep him company. Being my curious self I went. Big mistake. Really big mistake. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. Since then I refer to UMC Quick Care as GFHH Slow Torture. The GFHH refers to God Forsaken Hell Hole. I would much rather go to my Vet than one of these "medical" facilities you humans subject your self too. Most cities have similar institutions. In Albuquerque most refer to it as an "Urgent" Care Facility. Given that it's not so urgent that 4 hour wait will kill you. I guess their supposed to be a hybrid between a normal Dr's office and emergency room. Anyway, when I went with my Dad, we walked in and the place was packed with people. There were not even enough seats in the waiting room. People had to stand and seats got filled as soon as people got called to see the Dr. It was a horrible scene. It was like the DMV, but the people were sick and more weird. Not to mention crying babies and screaming children. Within the first 30 seconds we were in there I looked up to my Dad and said "we need to get the f@#k out of here". He said "no, I can't take this cough any longer, I need medicine"! What a pussy. So we had to sign in at clip board thay have hanging on the wall with a germ infested pen attached to it. I can't imagine how filthy that pen is. Everyone in the facility has touched that thing. We waited for 1/2 hour before we even got to sit down! I had to sit on his lap while he was hacking up a lung the whole time. While you wait they do have a 1968 model 12 inch Panasonic television(the TV is older than the building!)and year old magazines that have been held, coughed on and sneezed on by every sick person that has come thorough the door in the last 12mos to keep you entertained. Yeah, like I'm going to read that. Fifty minuets in we get called up to the front desk to fill out paper work. My Dad is presented with yet another bacteria covered pen. The lady tells us to go back to our seat and wait to be called back. Our seat has been taken. Were standing up again. 1 hour later were called back. We sit in another little room for 15 minuets. Then a nurse comes in and takes his blood pressure, temperature and weighs him. During all this my Dad is constantly coughing. When the nurse is done weighing him she asked him what's wrong? After answering a couple more stupid questions were sent back to waiting room. No seats again. We finally get a seat. Then have to listen to some blabber mouth old lady, that thinks everyone is interested in her stories about her grand children. Sorry if I'm not as excited as you are about how your little Amber doesn't shit here pants anymore grand-ma, it is quite an accomplishment. But please, shut the hell up! 1 hour later were finally called back again. We wait 5 minutes in the little observation room. A nurse comes in with my Dad's charts and reads back the answers to the stupid questions asked by the previous nurse. Then says the doctor will be in shortly. The room has more crusty year old magazines. I choose to snoop around in all the little drawers and cabinets instead. 10 minutes later the Dr. finally comes in. He says some crap about how he has a virus and antibiotics won't help. That he's just going to have to wait to just get over the cough. We both explain he's had the cough for two weeks and given the overall experience of the day, if we don't walk out with a prescription for some drugs, he(the Dr.) may not be walking out of the building at all. He reluctantly gives us a prescription for antibiotics. Telling us it won't help. We go to the check out window. We're presented with yet another toxic pen. Finally were going home! My Dad takes his 1st round of antibiotics as soon as we get home. Less than 30 hours later his cough is completely gone.

FOOTBALL PICKS OF THE WEEK...LAST WEEK(3-2) SEASON(19-16-2)

OKLAHOMA -19.5 AT KANSAS ST.
BYU -23.5 VS UNLV
MISSOURI -22 VS COLORADO
OHIO ST +2 VS PENN ST.
PANTHERS -4.5 VS CARDINALS

BONO VS MAMA.....BONO LAST WK(5-8-1) SEASON(50-48-3) MAMA LAST WK(5-8-1) SEASON(46-52-3)

RAIDERS +7 AT RAVENS.....B-RAVENS......M-RAVENS
CHARGERS -3.5 AT SAINTS....B-CHARGERS....M-CHARGERS
CHEIFS +3 AT JETS.....B-JETS.....M-JETS
BILLS -1.5 AT MIAMI.....B-MIAMI....M-BILLS
BUCS +2.5 AT COWBOYS......B-BUCS.....M-BUCS
FALCONS +9 AT EAGLES......B-EAGLES.....M-EAGLES
RAMS +7 AT PATRIOTS.......B-PATRIOTS....M-PATRIOTS
CARDINALS +4.5 AT PANTHERS.....B-PANTHERS....M-CARDINALS
REDSKINS -8 AT LIONS......B-SKINS.....M-SKINS
BROWNS +7 AT JAGUARS.......B-JAGS.....M-JAGS
BENGALS +10 AT TEXANS.....B-BENGALS....M-BENGALS
GIANTS +2.5 AT STEELERS.....B-STEELERS....M-GIANTS
SEAHAWKS +5 AT 49ERS.......B-49ERS.....M-49ERS
COLTS +4 AT TITANS......B-TITANS.....M-TITANS

We've been duped! Again!

Have you noticed everybody is really happy that gas is ONLY $3.15 per gallon? I have. The oil companies suckered us again. It wasn't long ago when you thought $2 for gallon was a rip off. Look at us now. Thinking $3.15 is great deal. $3.15 is the national average now for a gallon of regular. My Mama uses premium. No way she can put regular in her beloved Mercedes. Oooohhh, a Mercedes. Those of you that know her probably think that she thinks she's big shit because she has a Benz. Don't worry I keep her ego in place here at home. I constantly remind her that it's a used C-Class. It's a starter Mercedes. Which is for people that are not rich but want people to think they have a more money than they really do. It's working out really well for her. We'll back to my rant. Back in June when the price of a barrel of oil peaked at $138 the average price per gallon topped out at $4.12 per gallon. Now the price per barrel of crude is $78. A %43 drop in price. At the same time the price per gallon only dropped from $4.12 to $3.15. That's only a %23 drop? What's the deal? If the price per gallon dropped at the same rate gas should be $2.35 a gallon now. I sure there are some complex economic factors involving price elasticity etc. that contribute to the difference but %20? This is particularly disturbing to me because I fell like I've been trained. The oil companies spike the price then bring it down just a little to make me feel like I'm getting a deal when I'm really not, but I don't really realize it because they bunch me in with every other idiot consumer. Being trained to do something is a sin for a cat. We take great pride in the fact you can't train a feline to do jack shit. We're proud to be unlike some idiot dog that will roll over or fetch something to get a treat. If you consider petrified pig asshole to be a treat. Have you seen what pet treats are made out of? I bring all this up because I went with my Dad to Costco to put gas in my Mama's car. He's trained by her to go put gas. I ride along just get out of the house. And I like Costco. Anyway, gas is usually about $.05 to $.07 per gallon cheaper there. What's funny about this is that there is usually a line and people will sit in their cars, running at idol with their AC's on to save few cents a gallon. Never realizing that any savings is being more that burned off while they sit pick their nose. This brings me to another topic. Energy independence. This seems to be a big deal now. Everybody wants this because of the National security implications. I see one flaw in it though. Let's say we are able to drill for enough oil just for our own use. Does this mean Exxon and all the other American oil are going to stop drilling/purchasing foreign oil to sell to the rest of the World? Will this really lower prices for us, when the price per barrel is tied to global demand? Does energy independence mean we stop all the other bullshit in the Middle East that pisses off the Muslim's to the point they want to kill us? Will we still have a Military base in Saudi Arabia? A big reason(not the only one)they want to kill us is because they see us as a Christians up in there Muslim business. Will this end with "energy independence"? I haven't got that answer from any politician. I'm not sure anybody has asked. Further, I've done some reading on this topic. It seems there are some pretty simple things we could all do help get us to this goal of energy independence. All of which will get us there faster and cheaper than just drilling. Things like having our tires inflated properly to maximize gas mileage. Not going through the drive thru. Get down and go inside to order your Big Mac. Allow the Government to limit horse power on vehicles to make them more fuel efficient. I like fast cars as much as anybody but do we really need to go zero to sixty in fill in the blank number of seconds on the way to work in the morning? Or any other time for that matter. We always talk about the large sacrifice our military makes to protect us. I think these would be some pretty small sacrifices on our part to make theirs a little smaller...............Here are the football picks.

Picks of the week. Last Week(as disaster)(1-4) Season(16-14-2)

GEORGIA -15 VS VANDERBILT
OKLAHOMA ST. -16.5 VS BAYLOR
BILLS +1 VS CHARGERS
STEELERS -9.5 AT BENGALS
VIKINGS +3 AT BEARS

BONO....LAST WEEK(5-8) SEASON(45-40-2)...MAMA..LAST WEEK(6-7) SEASON(41-44-2)

TITANS -7 AT CHIEFS.....B-CHIEFS.....M-CHIEFS
CHARGERS -1 AT BILLS.....B-BILLS....M-CHARGERS
STEELERS -9.5 AT BENGALS....B-STEELERS......M-BENGALS
RAVENS +3 AT DOLPHINS.....B-DOLPHINS......M-DOLPHINS
COWBOYS -7 AT RAMS......B-COWBOYS....M-RAMS
VIKINGS +3 AT BEARS.....B-VIKINGS....M-BEARS
SAINTS +3 AT PANTHERS.....B-PANTHERS.....M-PANTHERS
49ERS +12 AT GIANTS......B-GIANTS.....M-49ERS
LIONS +8.5 AT TEXANS.....B-TEXANS....M-TEXANS
JETS -3 AT RAIDERS.....B-JETS.....M-RAIDERS
BROWNS +8.5 AT REDSKINS....B-SKINS....M-SKINS
COLTS -1 AT PACKERS.....B-COLTS....M-COLTS
SEAHAWKS +10.5 AT BUCCANNEERS......B-BUCS.....M-SEAHAWKS
BRONCOS +3 AT PATRIOTS....B-PATRIOTS.....M-PATRIOTS

Top 5 reasons this time of year rules

Back in the beginning of July I had a list of why that time of year sucked. We're finally in my favorite time of year, so I thought I should do a list of why this time of year totally rules. Actually only two of the reasons are mine. But a list of two seemed silly so I tapped into my family for the other three. Yes, It does seem silly to say that this time of year rules when the Country is going bankrupt, but that doesn't happen every October. Also, we have know idea of what the world is going to look like next October so I'm trying to enjoy this one as much as possible.

1. The weather cools and the leaves turn.....We'll most places cool. It's still in the 90's here in Vegas. But it should be down in the the 70's-80's anytime now. I hope. Also I love when the leaves turn. It's beautiful. The color is breath taking. At least from the pictures I've seen. We don't have leaves here either. Everything is brown year round. Now that I type this I might only have one reason why this time of year rules. It's almost mid-October and it's still hot and brown.


2. It the best time of year for sports. The baseball playoffs are now under way. Football is in full swing. Have I mentioned that I like football before? The NBA and collage basketball start at the end of the month. It's unbelievable! It' hard to even keep up. This past Sunday football, baseball playoffs and NASCAR were on all at the same time. I needed a second pair of eyes. The NASCAR race was great. There two twelve car pile up's! Where else are you going to see that without being in the freakin thing? The baseball playoffs started last week. There was a game almost every night. My Dodgers beat the Cubs in the 1st round. Can't brag to much about that. For those of you that don't follow baseball they haven't won the World Series since 1908. Best of all, the games are a great excuse to drink beer on a regular Tuesday evening.

3. On Halloween free chocolate is given out. This is my Mom's reason for this time of year ruling. Personally I think it sucks. A bunch of little punks keep ringing the doorbell all night. It scares the living shit out of me. I have to spend the whole night under the bed. This is a really stupid holiday. If you could call it a holiday. I don't get you humans at times. Going door to door to get a bunch of junk food? No wonder all of you have diabetes. I can see kids getting into this, but please. Once you have pubic hair please stay off my porch. Go buy your own candy. Also, what's with the haunted houses? You actually pay to go into places to be pretend scared? Doesn't life scare you enough as it is? You pay to get more scared because there just isn't enough out there to keep you adequately fearful? You guy's are idiots.


4. Hockey season starts. This is Carty's reason. He loves Hockey. I don't know why. He says it's because his a Maine-coon breed of cat. Genetically we're built for cold weather. Above is a picture of him with his favorite hockey ball. We can't have pucks. No frozen ponds here in Vegas. This is what him and some of his buddies use on my Mama's kitchen floor to play hockey. He bats it around pretending to be Alex Ovechkin. I don't know who that is either but he's Carty's favorite player. The only hockey players I know are the ones that have nailed Anna Kornikova.

5. Normally conservative women use Halloween as a reason to dress trashy.(See examples below) This is my Dad's reason. It is true though. What's the deal with that? I was trotting around on the strip one time during Halloween. I thought I was in a giant brothel. Women walking around with their boobs up to their chin wearing a leather devil costume? I don't get the costume thing either. My Mama brought up the idea of me wearing a consume once. And only once.

PUUURRRRFECT!

IT'S POST TIME!!


PS. Did you notice I resisted making a Sarah Palin joke when I talked about hockey?

Here are the football picks

PICKS OF THE WEEK..LAST WEEK(2-1-2)...SEASON(15-10-2)

GEORGIA(-13) VS TENNESSEE
BYU(-23.5) VS NEW MEXICO
TEXAS TECH(-21) VS NEBRASKA
RAVENS AT COLTS(POINTS TOTAL UNDER 39)
GIANTS(-8) AT BROWNS

BONO....LAST WEEK(8-4-2)SEASON(40-32-2) MAMA....LAST WEEK(8-4-2)..SEASON(35-37-2)

RAIDERS(+7.5) AT SAINTS......B-SAINTS.....M-SAINTS
RAVENS(+4.5) AT COLTS.......B-COLTS.....M-RAVENS
BENGALS(+6) AT JETS......B-JETS....M-JETS
PANTHERS(+2) AT BUCCANEERS.....B-PANTHERS....M-PANTHERS
LIONS(-13.5) AT VIKINGS.....B-VIKINGS....M-VIKINGS
BEARS(-2.5) AT FALCONS.....B-FALCONS.....M-FALCONS
DOLPHINS(+3) AT TEXANS.....B-TEXANS....M-DOLPHINS
RAMS(+14) AT REDSKINS.....B-SKINS....B-SKINS
JAGUARS(+3.5) AT BRONCOS.....B-BRONCOS.....M-JAGS
EAGLES(-5.5) AT 49ERS......B-49ERS....M-49ERS
COWBOYS(-5.5) AT CARDINALS....B-COWBOYS....M-CARDINALS
PACKERS(+3) AT SEAHAWKS.....B-PACKERS.....M-SEAHAWKS
PATRIOTS(+6) AT CHARGERS....B-CHARGERS....M-CHARGERS
GIANTS(-6) AT BROWNS.......B-GIANTS....M-GIANTS

Palin's "shout out" during debate wins undecided Carty's vote.

That's right. My brother is huge fan of the shout out. I was napping during the debate. Then Carty came running into the room yelling "Brother, wake up! Palin just did a shout out!". I had to rewind the Tivo. Yup. She did a shout out. That has to be a first in a Vice Presidential debate or any type of National debate. And it wasn't even that black guy that did it! On one of my first few blogs(It's on my Mama's blog 12/13/07) Carty requested that I do a shout out to for him on my new blog. I said that the only people that still executed shout outs are FM hip-hop DJ's. I guess I was wrong. Carty's not very political. He makes choices on these types of things. He said he's not voting for Dina Titus(running for Congress here in Nevada) because she has "jacked up teeth". My Mama does the same thing. She didn't like John Kerry in '04 because his face was shaped funny. These are your undecided voters. And we wonder why we end up with the leaders we get.......Here are the football picks.

Picks of the week. Last Week (2-2) Season(13-9)

BYU(-28.5) @ UTAH ST.
GEORGIA TECH(-18.5) @ DUKE
TEXAS TECH(-7) @ KANSAS STATE
BRONCOS(-3) VS TAMPA BAY
TITANS(-3) VS RAVENS

BONO-LAST WEEK(9-4) SEASON(32-28) MAMA-LAST WEEK(7-6) SEASON(27-33)

COLTS(-3) AT TEXANS......B-TEXANS......M-TEXANS
TITANS(+3) AT RAVENS.....B-TITANS....M-RAVENS
CHARGERS(-7) AT DOLPHINS....B-DOLPHINS.....M-CHARGERS
CHIEFS(+9.5) AT PANTHERS.....B-PANTHERS......M-PANTHERS
REDSKINS(+6) AT EAGLES.......B-SKINS.....M-SKINS
BEARS(-3.5) AT LIONS......B-LIONS.....M-BEARS
FALCONS(+5) AT PACKERS.......B-PACKERS....M-FALCONS
SEAHAWKS(+7) AT GIANTS.......B-GIANTS....M-GIANTS
BUCCANEERS(+3) AT BRONCOS......B-BRONCOS.....M-BUCS
PATRIOTS(-3) AT 49ERS........B-PATS.....M-49ERS
BILLS(PICK) AT CARDINALS.......B-CARDS.....M-CARDS
BENGALS(+16.5) AT COWBOYS.......B-BENGALS....M-COWBOYS
STEELERS(+4) AT JAGUARS......B-JAGS......M-JAGS
VIKINGS(-3) AT SAINTS.......B-VIKINGS....M-VIKINGS