This is new feature on my blog. One that I would not have been able to pull of when I was blogging under my Mama's flag. She hates when I talk football. You should have heard her complaints about my last two blogs...I'm going to give my best football bets of the week. Here are this weeks picks.
Michgan(-4) vs. Utah
TCU(-6.5) @ New Mexico
Virginia(+19.5) vs. USC
Please gamble responsibly
Friday, August 29, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Bono's NFL Preview....Part 2
Before I get to the rest of my preview I'm shocked and appalled by the comment Cindy made about my Mama's birthday wish. 1st of all, I'm shocked anyone still reads my blog. I had no idea. I just kept writing it for my own entertainment. Boy, I hope no Cubans are reading my blog. I can be in some real trouble. 2nd, I'm appalled at Cindy calling my Mama an old bag. An old bag!! That is unacceptable. Maybe a slightly worn bag or a bag with minor tattering on the corners, but certainly not an old bag. One more outburst like that and I'll demand her Bono's Best of Vegas '08 banner back.....We'll back to my NFL preview. Today is the NFC(National Football Conference).
NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys(12-4): My 'Boys are on a mission this year! They'll be in the Super Bowl......My Grandma Berlinda was a huge fan of the TV show Dallas. When she got transferred to night shift at work in the early 80's, she paid $1200 for a VCR to record Dallas and Dynasty.
Philadelphia Eagles(9-7): They had injury problems last year. They should be back in the playoffs.......The thing I love about Philly. It is the birthplace of our Nation. The freakin Declaration of Independence was signed there. But now it's more famous for a beef and cheese sandwich? Only in America. Another thing about Philly. They have a statue of Rocky in front of their Art Museum. Yes, they have a statue of a fictional movie character. It one of the biggest tourist attractions in the city. I'm guessing they have some statues of say Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson etc. But the Rocky statue gets all the attention. Again, only in America. I think Vegas should get bronze statues of fictional characters from Vegas movies. Charlie and Ray Babbit from Rainman. A statue of a tanked up Nicholas Cage from Leaving Las Vegas holding a snifter of gin in front of City Hall. Don't tell me Mayor Goodman won't go for that.
Washington Redskins(9-7): They have the most politically incorrect name in sports....DC serves as the center of all three major branches of our government(executive, legislative and judicial). This was decided well before the nuclear age. Now that a single bomb can destroy an entire city, shouldn't we be giving this structure a second thought? I know it not the most uplifting thing to talk about, but I just thought I would throw it out there.
New York Giants(6-10): They sucked last year but still won the Super Bowl. They suck again this year......Have you ever wondered how Sarah Jessica Parker's character on Sex in the City has a $10k a month apartment in Manhattan? She works for a free newspaper!!....Yes, I admit it. I watch Sex in the City. We all have our embarrassing little things.
NFC SOUTH
New Orleans Saints(12-4): They'll be back in there 2006 form this year.....There is another hurricane heading there way as I type this. So they'll probably be playing in San Antonio this year. Quick, somebody get Brownie on phone!!
Carolina Panthers(7-9): I can see them in the playoffs or winning 3 games.....Charlotte is one of the Nations largest banking centers. Bank of America and Wachovia are based there. This also qualifies the City as one of the Nations largest centers of Dipshits.
Tampa Bay Buccanneers(9-7): Their quarterback Jeff Garcia is half Irish and half Mexican. Somehow he's not an alcoholic.......Most people don't know that Tampa Bay just refers to the area of Tampa Bay. The city itself is just called Tampa. No Bay. Surveys have concluded that people don't know this because they really don't give a shit.
Atlanta Falcons(6-10): They suck.......I can't believe that this city actually hosted an Olympics. Olympic cities: Athens, Barcelona, Paris, London, Rome, Sydney, ATLANTA? A city that has a significant number of residence named Scooter has hosted an Olympics. I'll never get over it.
NFC NORTH
Green Bay Packers(9-7): They'll be ok without Favre.....How the hell did Green Bay get a pro football team? Do you know where Green Bay is? I punched in directions to Green Bay into my Mama's GPS navigator for her car to find out. It told me to go f**k my self.
Detroit Lions(9-7): They'll be so so before going back to being terrible again next year......This city is a real dump. It's not as bad a Oakland because it sits on a significantly less appealing body of water
Minnesota Vikings(8-8): Their quarterback is a joke......The Republican National Convention is there next week. They had to hire additional staff for the concession stands at the arena. This is the 1st time in 8 years the Republican Party has created new jobs for actual Americans with in the boarders of the Country. They create plenty outside the boarders. Those ones usually include dodging road side bombs though. The ones they create with in the boarders go to illegal immigrants. That concrete isn't going to lay it self, you know. Ironic isn't it?
Chicago Bears(3-13): This team is going to be really bad. My Dad went to college with their linebacker Brian Urlacher. Since collage Brian is well into a Hall of Fame career. My Dad has accomplished nothing of note......Barack Obama's crazy pastor's church is in Chicago. I want to go there. I've always wanted to go to a black church where they yell out affirmations during the service. Like, "amen", say it again brother", "got that right", "hallelujah", "the truth will set you free!". It just seems like they are having allot more fun than at my church.
NFC WEST
Seattle Seahawks(9-7): They'll win this bad division.....This city perfected Grunge Rock and Roll and overpriced coffee beverages. Just like grunge the rest of America if finally catching on that the overpriced coffee is really not that good.
St. Louis Rams(9-7): Las Vegas native Stephen Jackson their starting running back....Carty thinks St. Louis BBQ is better than KC BBQ. We both take our BBQ very seriously. This is a big source of tension between us.
Arizona Cardinals(7-9): They have won one playoff game since the 1930's.......When people from Las Vegas think your city gets to hot in the summer you have issues.
San Francisco 49ers(5-11): Their quarterback is name J.T. O'Sullivan. It sounds like the name of a guy owns a pub that has Guinness on tap, not an NFL QB......In my last blog I said I wanted my Dad to take my Mama to all crab related cities. This is the only crab related city my Dad has taken my Mama. Other cities where you can catch crabs. Portland, Maine. Anchorage, Boston, Parumph, Bangcock, Amsterdam, North Las Vegas. Oh, that makes it two cites she's been to where you can catch crabs.
Super Bowl: Cowboys beat Jacksonville
NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys(12-4): My 'Boys are on a mission this year! They'll be in the Super Bowl......My Grandma Berlinda was a huge fan of the TV show Dallas. When she got transferred to night shift at work in the early 80's, she paid $1200 for a VCR to record Dallas and Dynasty.
Philadelphia Eagles(9-7): They had injury problems last year. They should be back in the playoffs.......The thing I love about Philly. It is the birthplace of our Nation. The freakin Declaration of Independence was signed there. But now it's more famous for a beef and cheese sandwich? Only in America. Another thing about Philly. They have a statue of Rocky in front of their Art Museum. Yes, they have a statue of a fictional movie character. It one of the biggest tourist attractions in the city. I'm guessing they have some statues of say Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson etc. But the Rocky statue gets all the attention. Again, only in America. I think Vegas should get bronze statues of fictional characters from Vegas movies. Charlie and Ray Babbit from Rainman. A statue of a tanked up Nicholas Cage from Leaving Las Vegas holding a snifter of gin in front of City Hall. Don't tell me Mayor Goodman won't go for that.
Washington Redskins(9-7): They have the most politically incorrect name in sports....DC serves as the center of all three major branches of our government(executive, legislative and judicial). This was decided well before the nuclear age. Now that a single bomb can destroy an entire city, shouldn't we be giving this structure a second thought? I know it not the most uplifting thing to talk about, but I just thought I would throw it out there.
New York Giants(6-10): They sucked last year but still won the Super Bowl. They suck again this year......Have you ever wondered how Sarah Jessica Parker's character on Sex in the City has a $10k a month apartment in Manhattan? She works for a free newspaper!!....Yes, I admit it. I watch Sex in the City. We all have our embarrassing little things.
NFC SOUTH
New Orleans Saints(12-4): They'll be back in there 2006 form this year.....There is another hurricane heading there way as I type this. So they'll probably be playing in San Antonio this year. Quick, somebody get Brownie on phone!!
Carolina Panthers(7-9): I can see them in the playoffs or winning 3 games.....Charlotte is one of the Nations largest banking centers. Bank of America and Wachovia are based there. This also qualifies the City as one of the Nations largest centers of Dipshits.
Tampa Bay Buccanneers(9-7): Their quarterback Jeff Garcia is half Irish and half Mexican. Somehow he's not an alcoholic.......Most people don't know that Tampa Bay just refers to the area of Tampa Bay. The city itself is just called Tampa. No Bay. Surveys have concluded that people don't know this because they really don't give a shit.
Atlanta Falcons(6-10): They suck.......I can't believe that this city actually hosted an Olympics. Olympic cities: Athens, Barcelona, Paris, London, Rome, Sydney, ATLANTA? A city that has a significant number of residence named Scooter has hosted an Olympics. I'll never get over it.
NFC NORTH
Green Bay Packers(9-7): They'll be ok without Favre.....How the hell did Green Bay get a pro football team? Do you know where Green Bay is? I punched in directions to Green Bay into my Mama's GPS navigator for her car to find out. It told me to go f**k my self.
Detroit Lions(9-7): They'll be so so before going back to being terrible again next year......This city is a real dump. It's not as bad a Oakland because it sits on a significantly less appealing body of water
Minnesota Vikings(8-8): Their quarterback is a joke......The Republican National Convention is there next week. They had to hire additional staff for the concession stands at the arena. This is the 1st time in 8 years the Republican Party has created new jobs for actual Americans with in the boarders of the Country. They create plenty outside the boarders. Those ones usually include dodging road side bombs though. The ones they create with in the boarders go to illegal immigrants. That concrete isn't going to lay it self, you know. Ironic isn't it?
Chicago Bears(3-13): This team is going to be really bad. My Dad went to college with their linebacker Brian Urlacher. Since collage Brian is well into a Hall of Fame career. My Dad has accomplished nothing of note......Barack Obama's crazy pastor's church is in Chicago. I want to go there. I've always wanted to go to a black church where they yell out affirmations during the service. Like, "amen", say it again brother", "got that right", "hallelujah", "the truth will set you free!". It just seems like they are having allot more fun than at my church.
NFC WEST
Seattle Seahawks(9-7): They'll win this bad division.....This city perfected Grunge Rock and Roll and overpriced coffee beverages. Just like grunge the rest of America if finally catching on that the overpriced coffee is really not that good.
St. Louis Rams(9-7): Las Vegas native Stephen Jackson their starting running back....Carty thinks St. Louis BBQ is better than KC BBQ. We both take our BBQ very seriously. This is a big source of tension between us.
Arizona Cardinals(7-9): They have won one playoff game since the 1930's.......When people from Las Vegas think your city gets to hot in the summer you have issues.
San Francisco 49ers(5-11): Their quarterback is name J.T. O'Sullivan. It sounds like the name of a guy owns a pub that has Guinness on tap, not an NFL QB......In my last blog I said I wanted my Dad to take my Mama to all crab related cities. This is the only crab related city my Dad has taken my Mama. Other cities where you can catch crabs. Portland, Maine. Anchorage, Boston, Parumph, Bangcock, Amsterdam, North Las Vegas. Oh, that makes it two cites she's been to where you can catch crabs.
Super Bowl: Cowboys beat Jacksonville
Monday, August 25, 2008
BONO'S NFL PREVIEW....PART 1
It's almost here!! Football!!! See my Mama's blog for my previous thoughts on football(http://jengabaldon.blogspot.com/2008_01_01_archive.html). Somebody remind her that she needs to blog also. It's been a flat month today since she did a new post. Anyway, I figured since I did an Olympic preview, I better do an NFL preview. A sport I actually care about. Not that the Olympics didn't have their moments. My favorite was when the USA won the 4x100 freestyle swimming relay. If your head was buried in the sand an you missed it, some French swimmer Alain Bernard said that the French were going "smash" America in the relay. Ok, first all if you are male and your name is Alain(pronounced Elaine, like from Seinfeld) you are already considered a pussy. Then you start spouting off like that! And you're French! We'll in the last leg the American swimmer Jason Lezak over came what seemed like an insurmountable lead held by our friend Alaine. It was really dramatic. My Mama was out of town so it was just myself, Carty and my Dad watching in our living room that was littered with empty beer cans and Chinese take out boxes. We were all yelling at the TV, cheering for the US. When they ultimately won we started hugging and giving high fives. When they showed Alain on the TV, Carty got up on his hind legs, pointed at the screen and yelled "Get some of that Pierre. Don't forget to wear your beret on your way out you, freakin Frenchy". That was the best moment of the Olympics for me. Possibly the most patriotic moment of my life. After that we spent the next ten minutes making France surrendering jokes. It was great.....Anyway on to my NFL preview. I'll put my predictions on the teams records and some random thoughts on the city/region that each team plays in. Today I'll do the AFC, that stands for American Football Conference. Man, I wish my readers knew more about football so I didn't have to explain this crap.
AFC EAST
New England Patriots(12-4): They won't be a good as last year but they'll still be pretty good. I'm pretty sure Tom Brady is still banging Gisselle Buchen. That has no relevance here, I just wanted to type that......The Patriots play near Boston. Do people in Boston know how ridiculous their accents are? Boston has the highest concentration of quality institutions of higher learning in the world. Yet the majority of their residents sound like complete idiots when they talk.
New York Jets(8-8): They'll suck slightly less now that they picked up Brett Favre.....They actually play in swamp land in New Jersey. Not New York.
Buffalo Bills(6-10): Nobody good wants to play for them. Would you want to work in up state New York in December?.....They play near Niagara Falls. It's much more entertaining to watch water fall than it is to watch this team play.
Miami Dolphins(6-10): They were the worst team in the league last year.....Miami has a bunch of Cubans. Read my Olympic preview for my thoughts on Cubans. That should tell you what I think about the city of Miami.
AFC SOUTH
Jacksonville Jaguars(13-3): They took a step forward last year. They'll take another one this year. They'll be in the Super Bowl.....My auntie Ashley is from Jacksonville. The day before she married my Uncle Kevin in Jacksonville my Dad got completely ripped and puked all over the city. I love that story!
Indianapolis Colts(9-7): They won't be as good as they have been.....Indiana is so boring I can't think of a better way to insult people from there.
Houston Texans(9-7): They'll be a dangerous team again this year. Maybe more if they don't have as many injuries as last year......Houston is in constant battle with San Antonio for the fattest city in America. Carty would fit right in there. I can't have blog with out taking a shot at Carty.
Tennessee Titans(8-8): They have mediocrity down pat.....Tennessee accents are just as bad as Boston accents. But they only have on great institution of higher learning(Vanderbilt) so I'll give them a little bit of a break.
AFC NORTH
Pittsburgh Steelers(12-4): They'll be better this year than last.....Pittsburgh always has a high unemployment rate because they have a bunch of guys sitting around waiting for the steel mill or coal mine that closed 35 years ago to re-open. Your job is in China! It's not going to reopen! There is a Linens and Things where the mill used to be! Take an MS Excel class or something! Get a job! Any job!
Cincinnati Bengals(8-8): They be ok because they have 4 games against the Ravens and Browns.....Jerry Springer used to be the mayor and if you cross the river you are in Kentucky. That should tell you all you need to know about Cincy.
Baltimore Ravens(4-12): 4 wins might be a bit generous for this crappy team.....They city is known for crab cakes. My Mama loves crab cakes. I'm trying to convince my Dad to take my Mama to all crab related cities. Frisco is off the list.
Cleveland Browns(4-12): This is my Dad's team. They some how won 10 games last year but still missed the playoffs. They have a brutally difficult schedule. It will be a miracle if they win 10 games this year......In 1969 the Cuyahoga River that runs through the city started on fire. Yes, the river on fire! That's hilarious. Whenever I'm having a bad day I think about that and chuckle. It makes me fell better.
AFC WEST
San Diego Chargers(10-6): The most talented team in the league will gag in the playoffs again.....San Diego would be a great city if it didn't start on fire every other year. Rivers on fire are funny. Beautiful cities on fire are not.
Denver Broncos(10-6): They have a really easy schedule so their record will be better than they are......The Democratic National convention is in Denver this week. Business must be booming for hookers, escorts and strip clubs.
Oakland Raiders(5-11): They sucked really bad that last couple years. They still suck this year.....They city sits on one of the most naturally beautiful bodies of water in the world. Yet the place is a complete shit hole. How did they pull that off?
Kansas City Chiefs(5-11): This team might not score this year, so the 5 wins might be over optimistic.......I love KC bar-b-cue!!!!
Tune in later for my NFC predictions and Super Bowl pick.
AFC EAST
New England Patriots(12-4): They won't be a good as last year but they'll still be pretty good. I'm pretty sure Tom Brady is still banging Gisselle Buchen. That has no relevance here, I just wanted to type that......The Patriots play near Boston. Do people in Boston know how ridiculous their accents are? Boston has the highest concentration of quality institutions of higher learning in the world. Yet the majority of their residents sound like complete idiots when they talk.
New York Jets(8-8): They'll suck slightly less now that they picked up Brett Favre.....They actually play in swamp land in New Jersey. Not New York.
Buffalo Bills(6-10): Nobody good wants to play for them. Would you want to work in up state New York in December?.....They play near Niagara Falls. It's much more entertaining to watch water fall than it is to watch this team play.
Miami Dolphins(6-10): They were the worst team in the league last year.....Miami has a bunch of Cubans. Read my Olympic preview for my thoughts on Cubans. That should tell you what I think about the city of Miami.
AFC SOUTH
Jacksonville Jaguars(13-3): They took a step forward last year. They'll take another one this year. They'll be in the Super Bowl.....My auntie Ashley is from Jacksonville. The day before she married my Uncle Kevin in Jacksonville my Dad got completely ripped and puked all over the city. I love that story!
Indianapolis Colts(9-7): They won't be as good as they have been.....Indiana is so boring I can't think of a better way to insult people from there.
Houston Texans(9-7): They'll be a dangerous team again this year. Maybe more if they don't have as many injuries as last year......Houston is in constant battle with San Antonio for the fattest city in America. Carty would fit right in there. I can't have blog with out taking a shot at Carty.
Tennessee Titans(8-8): They have mediocrity down pat.....Tennessee accents are just as bad as Boston accents. But they only have on great institution of higher learning(Vanderbilt) so I'll give them a little bit of a break.
AFC NORTH
Pittsburgh Steelers(12-4): They'll be better this year than last.....Pittsburgh always has a high unemployment rate because they have a bunch of guys sitting around waiting for the steel mill or coal mine that closed 35 years ago to re-open. Your job is in China! It's not going to reopen! There is a Linens and Things where the mill used to be! Take an MS Excel class or something! Get a job! Any job!
Cincinnati Bengals(8-8): They be ok because they have 4 games against the Ravens and Browns.....Jerry Springer used to be the mayor and if you cross the river you are in Kentucky. That should tell you all you need to know about Cincy.
Baltimore Ravens(4-12): 4 wins might be a bit generous for this crappy team.....They city is known for crab cakes. My Mama loves crab cakes. I'm trying to convince my Dad to take my Mama to all crab related cities. Frisco is off the list.
Cleveland Browns(4-12): This is my Dad's team. They some how won 10 games last year but still missed the playoffs. They have a brutally difficult schedule. It will be a miracle if they win 10 games this year......In 1969 the Cuyahoga River that runs through the city started on fire. Yes, the river on fire! That's hilarious. Whenever I'm having a bad day I think about that and chuckle. It makes me fell better.
AFC WEST
San Diego Chargers(10-6): The most talented team in the league will gag in the playoffs again.....San Diego would be a great city if it didn't start on fire every other year. Rivers on fire are funny. Beautiful cities on fire are not.
Denver Broncos(10-6): They have a really easy schedule so their record will be better than they are......The Democratic National convention is in Denver this week. Business must be booming for hookers, escorts and strip clubs.
Oakland Raiders(5-11): They sucked really bad that last couple years. They still suck this year.....They city sits on one of the most naturally beautiful bodies of water in the world. Yet the place is a complete shit hole. How did they pull that off?
Kansas City Chiefs(5-11): This team might not score this year, so the 5 wins might be over optimistic.......I love KC bar-b-cue!!!!
Tune in later for my NFC predictions and Super Bowl pick.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Happy Birthday Mama!!!!
It my Mama's Birthday. I wanted to publicly wish her Happy B-day on my blog. Her birthday is the only one I care about, so nobody else better be expecting any birthday wishes out of me. How old is she? None of your f***in business! That's how old she is. Let's just say she is aging like fine wine and leave it at that.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Bono's Olympic Preview
The Olympics start tomorrow. I'm kind of looking forward to them. Ok not really, but they only come along every four years so I guess I'll talk about them. What's odd about the Olympics is that women actually watch them more than men. My Mama remarked to me that she was looking forward to them. Especially the gymnastics and ice skating. I had to break it to her that these are the summer games, which do not include ice skating, which happens in the winter games. That tamed her enthusiasm somewhat. Another thing that is interesting about the Olympics is it's an event that stands for pretty much the complete opposite of what it is intended for. They're supposed to be about fair, friendly competition. Where Nations can set there differences aside and come together for a celebration of sport. However it quickly morphed on to a place where the athletes cheat with performance enhancing drugs at a higher rate than any other realm of sport. And it's a place where political discourse is actually enhanced and magnified. We've seen numerous examples of this. The killing of Jewish athletes in Munich in '72. The US and USSR boycotting each others games in '80 and '84. This year the Olympic torch relay, where the torch is paraded around the world, was tainted by protest due to China's human rights violations. Not to mention they eat cats, dogs, chicken feet. What about those violations? Is there anything those people won't eat? Now they are considering scrapping the relay altogether in future games. The relay is a tradition that was started in the 1936 games by the Nazis, so scrapping it probably not a bad idea. There are two things I really like about the Olympics. The first one is when we beat other nations at sports that they love, but we really don't give a rats ass about. In Europe and Asia, sports like swimming, track and gymnastics are a big deal. Front page of the newspaper kind of stuff. Here nobody pays any attention till the Olympics. Even then, it will be over shadowed by Brett Favre coverage. But yet we win a large number of medals in these events. I find it particularly satisfying because that vast majority of our best athletes play football(a none Olympic sport). So there we are beating all these smelly Euros with our 3rd and 4th stringers. I remember in the last Olympics when the US girls won the gymnastics gold medal, the 15 year old girls from Romania and Russia were crying their eyes out because they had disgraced their entire nation after years of near starvation to maintain weight and torturous training. While none of us here in the States really gave a shit if we won or lost at gymnastics. It was freakin awesome. USA! USA! The 2nd thing that I like is that lives of the athletes are pretty much defined by what takes place at them. They only happen one every four years. So these athletes train all that time for just one chance. I all has to go right or you are eternally remembered as a failure. Every thing has to go right that specific day. You can't be tired, you have pray you don't have a cold, wake up with the shits. There are dozens of ways to lose an event but only one way to win. It has to be perfect. For example Michelle Kwan was one of the best ice skaters ever. The thing she is remembered for is never winning a gold medal in the Olympics. You have to admit it makes watching a 14 year-old having to do a perfect back flip on a 4 inch beam with the weight of her nation on her shoulders incredibly compelling television......To enhance you viewing pleasure I have listed some predations below. This is all based on intense research and film study. It should be all you need to guide you through the games.....
Men's 100 meter dash.....Some black dude from the USA or Jamaica. We'll find out 2 years from now he was on steroids.
Womens 100 meter dash...Some black chick from the USA. We'll find out she was on steroids 2 years from now.
Men's 400 meter....There is actually some white guy from the USA that is the defending gold medalist in this event. No really a white guy won a track and field event. You can look it up. He as to be cheating somehow too.
Men's marathon....A really skinny guy from Kenya
Men's Soccer....A European country where they don't shower very often. You know France, Spain, Italy. The usual suspects.
Woman's Gymnastics....This was a tough one. The US and China have loaded teams. The Russians and Romania are always strong. As mentioned before politics always comes into play in the Olympics. With the Games being a communist country the US is going to getting the shitty end of the stick in events that are judged subjectively like gymnastics. Ultimately I think it will be won by a Russian or Romanian chick that has a name with no vowels and to pronounce it correctly you would have to make a sound similar to the one I make when I hack up a fur ball.
Men's Gymnasitcs......A Chinese guy who's name starts with an X or a South Korean guy with Kim somewhere in his name. And if they didn't have their country's uniforms on you would not be able to tell the difference between them. Yeah, I know that can be percieved as being kind of racist but just watch. If its not true I'll take it back. But I won't have to because you won't be able to tell the difference between them.
Men's basketball....A loaded US team will find a way to lose this. Probably to a bunch of long haired Argentinian guys that look like Antonio Banderas. They should be ashamed.
Baseball.....Cuba. They can do baseball and cigars but not much else. I can't believe Fidel is still alive. I wasn't sure. I had to look it up. How come our nemesis never die? This guy will still be around when Jenna Bush's kid is President. Thank God I won't be around for that.
Boxing.....A bunch of Cuban dudes that would not go down if you beat them in head with 2x4's. I guess you could add boxing to baseball and cigars.
Men's 100 meter dash.....Some black dude from the USA or Jamaica. We'll find out 2 years from now he was on steroids.
Womens 100 meter dash...Some black chick from the USA. We'll find out she was on steroids 2 years from now.
Men's 400 meter....There is actually some white guy from the USA that is the defending gold medalist in this event. No really a white guy won a track and field event. You can look it up. He as to be cheating somehow too.
Men's marathon....A really skinny guy from Kenya
Men's Soccer....A European country where they don't shower very often. You know France, Spain, Italy. The usual suspects.
Woman's Gymnastics....This was a tough one. The US and China have loaded teams. The Russians and Romania are always strong. As mentioned before politics always comes into play in the Olympics. With the Games being a communist country the US is going to getting the shitty end of the stick in events that are judged subjectively like gymnastics. Ultimately I think it will be won by a Russian or Romanian chick that has a name with no vowels and to pronounce it correctly you would have to make a sound similar to the one I make when I hack up a fur ball.
Men's Gymnasitcs......A Chinese guy who's name starts with an X or a South Korean guy with Kim somewhere in his name. And if they didn't have their country's uniforms on you would not be able to tell the difference between them. Yeah, I know that can be percieved as being kind of racist but just watch. If its not true I'll take it back. But I won't have to because you won't be able to tell the difference between them.
Men's basketball....A loaded US team will find a way to lose this. Probably to a bunch of long haired Argentinian guys that look like Antonio Banderas. They should be ashamed.
Baseball.....Cuba. They can do baseball and cigars but not much else. I can't believe Fidel is still alive. I wasn't sure. I had to look it up. How come our nemesis never die? This guy will still be around when Jenna Bush's kid is President. Thank God I won't be around for that.
Boxing.....A bunch of Cuban dudes that would not go down if you beat them in head with 2x4's. I guess you could add boxing to baseball and cigars.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Carty's guest blog
Hi. I'm Carty. Bono's big brother. No, this is not going to be a common thing. I owed Bono a favor so I told him I would do a guest blog for him while he is on vacation. The world does not need another blog. Especially another cat blogger. Personally I can't believe a single person/cat whatever actually reads these things. I can't even read a blog from an interesting person. Much less some random cat...First, I'll tell you a couple things about me. My full name is Cartier. After the jewelry store/maker whatever. My mom said my fur looks like platinum and diamonds, so that how I got my name. I'm not quite the bumbling idiot my brother portrays me to be. I admit I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed but I'm not a complete moron either. Also, aside from being cats me and Bono are opposite in just about every way imaginable. He is a clean freak. It boarders on OCD. I'm dirty. I'll eat just about everything. He is very picky. I can watch a sporting event with out having money on it. Bono can't. I could go on but you get the point. Crap, I'm already dragging on like Bono does. I promised my self I wouldn't do that. Anyway there was nothing in particular I wanted to talk about so I had Bono request that questions be submitted for me to answer to take up some space. Here they are.
Q: Carty, Is Bono really as much of "Mama"'s boy as he comes off in his blog. That's all that bastard talks about.......Fluffy. Elko, NV.
A: No, he's not. It's really much worse in reality. He's pretty much attached at her hip. It's embarrassing really.
Q: Carty, Bono tries to portray himself as a real ladies cat. Who pulls more chicks, you or him......Jose. Barstow, Ca.
A: Quantity wise it would definitely be me. Like I said before we are complete opposites. Bono gets better looking chicks, but I'm more into quantity over quality. Bono's actually snagged a couple 10's in his day. But I would take five 2's over one 10 any day. There all beauty queens in the dark, if you catch my drift.
Q: Carty, Can I have The Office Season 2 DVD you borrowed from me back? It's been a year and a half......Peaches. Las Vegas, NV.
A: I'll see if I can find it.
Q: Carty, Is you brother as much of a know it all prick as he seems to be? How do you live with him?....Max, Henderson, NV.
A: No, it's much worse in reality. He has an answer for every thing. He expects to have everything his way. He does not even eat in our designated areas anymore(see below). He has my mom or dad bring him his food to him wherever he's in the mood to eat it. How do I live with him? He's my brother, what am I going to do?
Q: Carty, Orale bro! I have a computer now, holmes. Tell your hermano that he still owes me cash from my last drop off. And tell him if keeps talking mad shit about me on his blog I'm going to kick his ass. Laters..........Flaco, Las Vegas. NV.
A: Ok.
Q: Carty, your Dad and Bono seem to gamble quite a bit. Does this upset your mom?
A: No. The gambling doesn't bother her. It's their losing that she can't stand.....Phyllis, Mesquite. NV.
Q: Carty, Bono talks about drinking and booze in all of his blogs. I remember one where he said he drank a whole bottle of wine in one day. That's quite a bit for one cat. Don't you think he needs help?
A: No, I don't. I help him sometimes, but he can usually finish the whole bottle just fine all by himself......Dave, Rio Rancho. NM.
That's it. I guess blogging wasn't that bad. I might be back. See Ya.
Q: Carty, Is Bono really as much of "Mama"'s boy as he comes off in his blog. That's all that bastard talks about.......Fluffy. Elko, NV.
A: No, he's not. It's really much worse in reality. He's pretty much attached at her hip. It's embarrassing really.
Q: Carty, Bono tries to portray himself as a real ladies cat. Who pulls more chicks, you or him......Jose. Barstow, Ca.
A: Quantity wise it would definitely be me. Like I said before we are complete opposites. Bono gets better looking chicks, but I'm more into quantity over quality. Bono's actually snagged a couple 10's in his day. But I would take five 2's over one 10 any day. There all beauty queens in the dark, if you catch my drift.
Q: Carty, Can I have The Office Season 2 DVD you borrowed from me back? It's been a year and a half......Peaches. Las Vegas, NV.
A: I'll see if I can find it.
Q: Carty, Is you brother as much of a know it all prick as he seems to be? How do you live with him?....Max, Henderson, NV.
A: No, it's much worse in reality. He has an answer for every thing. He expects to have everything his way. He does not even eat in our designated areas anymore(see below). He has my mom or dad bring him his food to him wherever he's in the mood to eat it. How do I live with him? He's my brother, what am I going to do?
Q: Carty, Orale bro! I have a computer now, holmes. Tell your hermano that he still owes me cash from my last drop off. And tell him if keeps talking mad shit about me on his blog I'm going to kick his ass. Laters..........Flaco, Las Vegas. NV.
A: Ok.
Q: Carty, your Dad and Bono seem to gamble quite a bit. Does this upset your mom?
A: No. The gambling doesn't bother her. It's their losing that she can't stand.....Phyllis, Mesquite. NV.
Q: Carty, Bono talks about drinking and booze in all of his blogs. I remember one where he said he drank a whole bottle of wine in one day. That's quite a bit for one cat. Don't you think he needs help?
A: No, I don't. I help him sometimes, but he can usually finish the whole bottle just fine all by himself......Dave, Rio Rancho. NM.
That's it. I guess blogging wasn't that bad. I might be back. See Ya.
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