Man, It was hot this weekend.....

my Mama and Dad were washing their cars on Sunday afternoon. Yeah, I know! My Mama engaging in physical activity on a Sunday afternoon. I'm as surprised as you are. I was going to help them out. I can work magic with a shammy. Then I went outside and decided against it. It was freaking hot! I also remembered that I don't like to get my paws wet. Unless it's my own spit from me licking them. It also reminded me that this time of year sucks. It sucks for a bunch of reasons. I decided I would make a list. You know how I love making lists. This is Bono's top three reasons this time of year sucks list.
1. IT'S FREAKIN HOT. Yes, I know I already talked about it. But it's worth mentioning again. The fact that it going to be 105 degrees plus, everyday till sometime after Labor Day is a disturbing thought. Why did they build a city here? Why did I move here? I say we move the entire city to Monterey. They keep talking about us running out of water when Lake Mead drys up, so we have to conserve. If that's the case lets just move the city now. Are we really going to save enough water by not having grass in our yards? Sounds like we're just delaying the inevitable to me. We should just get a move on. Pack your shit folks. We need to find a place a little cooler and with water. Also, do we really need to have a weather report on the news? Anybody that's lived in Vegas for any amount of time knows it going to be hot everyday. Can we just use the weather time to get more information on the city's daily shooting or more stories on the chicks Gov. Gibbons has been banging? It would be much more interesting.

2. FIREWORKS. Who's idea was it to have fireworks for the 4th of July? I hate this tradition. I'm a cat and jumpy as all hell. I don't need a day with everyone from 18 months of age and up blowing shit up. Can't we just be happy with a bar-b-que and getting hammered? Do we really need to risk starting some body's home or business on fire? It happens every year! Let's not forget the chance of serious injury!!! Sounds like a blast to me!! Pun intended. I kind of give young kids a break on this. They don't know any better. But if you are 12 years of age or older and you like this crap you should be especially ashamed. Fire stations and emergency rooms have to be overstaffed because of you dip shits.

3. "BLOCKBUSTER" MOVIES: This garbage comes all through the summer. Is it to much to ask that somebody comes up with an original idea? Another Batman movie? Haven't the pube bearded, chubby comic book guys got their fill with the previous half dozen or so forgettable installments of this? Indiana Jones! I think he was chasing after his lost Social Security check in the most recent installment. Then we have Ironman. Robert Downey Jr. as a superhero? If he was in a movie about a druggie superhero called Cokefiend, I would buy it. But not as Ironman. Was Andy Dick not available for the role? In previous year's we've had Spiderman. Played by Toby McGwire. 1st of all, no way a guy named Toby can be a superhero. Then in Seabiscuit he played a jockey. How can the same guy play Spiderman and a jockey? My least favorite of all was the "Lord of the Rings" Trilogy. Appropriately made by Peter Jackson. The Grand Wizard of all pube bearded, chubby comic book guys (see photo below). I've never watched any of them. But I do know the premise was Elijah Wood saves the world. That pussy couldn't save a thing. Way to unbelievable for me to watch. I guess I'll have to keep going to hippie indie movie houses for the films I like. There was Catwoman. I guess that was pretty cool. I'm not into human chicks but I was somewhat aroused by Halle Berry dressed as a Cat. Meeeooow.

Let's just get it over with....

My Mama is has been getting on my case because I haven't talked about my brother on my new blog. I don't think I'll ever get from under the iron clad regime of Kim Jen-Il. So I'm just going to toe the line. I'm not sure what to say about him. I guess one thing that comes to mind is that he has a really good memory. An amazing one actually. For instance he'll be digging up the edge of the carpeting in one area of the house, then my Dad will pick him up and take him to an area of the house as far away as possible. He does this in the hope that he'll completely forget about what he was doing like most cats do. Not Carty. He trots right back to where he was and picks right up where he was. He has a memory like an elephant. Where does that saying come from anyway? Do elephants really have good memories? I only met one elephant in my life. At the zoo one time. He didn't really strike me as someone with a really good memory. I found his thoughts on the issue of animals held in captivity to be insightful, but nothing about his memory really stuck out. I think that saying is a bunch of bullshit. Where did the saying "three sheets to the wind" come from also? Can somebody tell me? Anyway, Carty has a really good memory. Unfortunately he never does anything that allows him to memorize anything useful. It's mostly a bunch of meaningless crap. Stuff like being able to name every pro hockey team's starting goalie, dinner time(he never forgets that), all of our friends and relatives birthdays. The most recent example was when we were telling ghost stories the other night. No, I still haven't figured out why we were telling ghost stories. You might remember me mentioning Carty's story really sucked. We'll Carty didn't know that the purpose of a ghost story was to be scary. He was the first one to tell a story and he just thought that it needed to be a story that involved ghosts. Where his memory comes into play is where he for some unknown reason remembered that James Brown, Gerald Ford, Anna Nicole Smith and Barbaro all died around the same time. So he figured the four of them would be the ghost in his ghost story. One scene in his story had Gerald Ford convincing the Secretary of the Navy to commission a battleship for James Brown. I was called the USS Sex Machine. The next scene has Barbaro ridding Anna Nicole to a win in the Belmont. Yes, that is the right order. Barbaro rode Anna Nicole (insert Anna Nicole being ridden joke here). We took the flash light away from him when he began describing a scene that involved the four of them dancing a choreographed number to "I feel Good". One last thing on Carty. His is looking into buying Flaco's ride. It's '72 Impala. If you don't remember Flaco is our high grade nip dealer. Carty considers him a friend. I consider him an asshole. We'll high gas prices are even hitting criminals in the pocket book these days. Flaco is looking to unload his Impala. He going to start dealing out of a Prius. The Impala has been sitting for sale on our block for weeks. Good luck getting the scratch together on it Carty.



Finally, now that I have my own post I added some tags to generate more hits. I found out what the top three things Googled by both males and females (6 items total). You can see them at the bottom of the post. You can probably guess which ones are for males and which ones are for females. I'll let you know how it works. You can try if for your own blog, if you have one.

Wasted Weekend....

My Mama went to Phoenix on a whim this weekend(Leave a place that is 107 degrees for a place that's 112, that's smart). It totally sucked. I had plans for us. We totally missed a Green Acres marathon on TV land. Me and Carty were planning on distracting her from making jewelery. With just my Dad around we had to eat microwave Marie Calender's chicken pot pies for dinner. I took about an hour and a half for the thing to cool to a temperature suitable for consumption. Microwave dinners are real time savers! I have no idea what it tasted like because my tongue was burnt to a crisp after I took the 1st bite before I realized I needed the 90 minute cooling period.....Speaking of hot things, Cindy you are right my condo is a sauna in the summer. That was a major oversight by my realtor. No wonder she is working at PT's now. Not to mention she was willing to take a cat as a client so how good could she have been to begin with? I'm still looking for extra income. Actually my realtor called me back to tell me that the head cook at PT's was deported and the dishwasher was promoted to his position, so they had a dish washing position open up. I almost took it, then I remembered I hate getting my paws wet. Unless its my own spit from me licking them.....Yeah it was my Dad's birthday on Thursday. Happy Birthday Dad! You cheap bastard. I'll get you a gift when I get the new scratching post I was promised about a dozen times. That sentence was not as harsh as it seems. That's how guys do each other. You can see pictures on the party on my Mama's site. I suppose I could have posted the pictures here myself but I don't really feel like it. Let me honest, who really cares about the pictures?Nobody showed up for the party. I actually brought a date, so it was kind of embarrassing. We did have strawberry margaritas so that made is tolerable. We should have included we were going to have strawberry margaritas in the invitations.

Ok...So there is a first time for everything....

In case you missed it the Celtics won the NBA Title. My Lakers have been vanquished. I lost my money. And didn't get the money I was counting on winning. I was looking into selling my condo, but with the Vegas housing market I don't have chance of getting rid of it. I talked to my realtor this morning. Well, she was my realtor. It turns out she is waiting tables at PT's Pub now, she needed a steady source of income. She told me there was no chance I would get what I put into it. Then I told here I didn't even pay for it. She said "I know, It's gone down at least %20 from nothing, you would have to pay for somebody to take it off your hands. Now stop calling me at work, my boss is getting mad". So now I'm searching for another source of income. If anybody needs their lawn mowed or weeds cut I'm available. I'm scouting spots for lemonade stands. I looked at taking out a 401k loan. It turns out the value in that is sinking faster than whale shit also. I scrapped that idea and reallocated my funds to more conservative investments. I'm not as bad with money as you think. My Dad is enjoying every minute of this. A-hole. The image above is not by choice. It's the result of another lost bet to my Dad. Lets just move on.

Finally! My own blog.

Hey everyone. I did it. I have my own blog now! If you don't already know me. My name is Bono. Pronounced Baw-no. Like the U2 front man.....oh, I'm a cat by the way. The name was not my idea...Anyway, this blog is a spin off of another blog that nobody reads. But you probably know that. If you just happened to click on here for some reason you probably already clicked out. If you're still here, you're probably wondering what a cat is doing with a blog? Click on this site http://jengabaldon.blogspot.com/ (The 12/5/07 entry)to find out how all this started. Now that I think about it, a cat having a blog does not sound that off the wall. Everyone has one of these things now. That's what's so cool about them. Anyone type up a bunch of crap and pretend they are experts or have some sort of insight on what they are blogging about. All this can be done without having any qualification or a shred of accountability. It's kind of like being a government official in that way. It's pretty awesome.



We'll not much has happened in the last week or so, but I have been watching the NBA Finals. I've been pulling for the Lakers of course. My Dad is a Celtics fan. We haven't spoke much in the last week and a half. We do somehow manage share a twelve pack during the games though. Beer has a way of bringing family together. If you remember I have quite a bit of cash riding on the Lakers. The Celtics lead the series right now 3 games to 2. The first team to 4 wins, gets the title for you sports neophytes. I'm not worried though. My Dads favorite teams always disappoint in the end. Always. I'm already thinking of things to buy with my winnings. His favorite baseball team was Montreal Expos. They don't even exist anymore. When they did they didn't win a damn thing. His team now is the Angels. They won the World Series in 2002. But the Expos were still around then, so it doesn't count. His football team is the Cleveland Browns. Enough said. His alma mater is the University of New Mexico. Perennial also rans in pretty much every sport. They did win a National title a few years back....in skiing. Like anybody cares. They finished 2nd in the Nation in soccer a couple year's ago. Skiing and Soccer? Was I born in New Mexico or Europe? The Celtics have won 16 World Titles, but non since 1986. Right about the time my Dad decided that was his team. They've been cursed since then. When game 7 is over on Thursday don't say I didn't tell you......if you made this far thanks for reading my 1st post on my own blog. I plan on adding a few wrinkles to the site now that I don't have Kim-Jen Ill to answer to. I hope you visit again. If you don't, screw you. I didn't want you on my site anyway.