Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!


I'm back! It's been a while. I've been busy working on some other projects....Well Turkey Day is coming up. Myself and my family love Thanksgiving. It's supposed to be a day of giving thanks for the things that we have but, since the holiday is an American holiday it has quickly morphed into a celebration of overeating, naps, football and shopping. Which is fine by me. A holiday for just giving thanks is just plain boring. A holiday with gluttony, drooling and farting on your aunts new sofa while sleeping, betting on football, than spending the next day buying a bunch of crap you don't need makes for a great time. It's also great for family bonding. My Mama, Dad and Carty love overeating. All of us love napping. Me, my Dad and Carty love football, My Mama loves buying crap we don't need. There is something for everybody! I really don't get the shopping thing though. Battling a bunch of strangers for some piece of crap toy that your kid will be ignoring by New Year's day? Why put yourself through this? Women get in fist fights over this stuff? That's the Holiday spirit!

I do love the scenes they show on the news every year of a bunch of women at entrance of Target(or any other store) trampling over each other when the doors open. It looks like the running of the bulls at Pamplona. But in the spirit of the Holiday I'd like to list some things I'm thankful for.....

I'm thankful for....

-my head being able to reach between my legs

-TIVO. Man's greatest accomplishment since the moon landing.

-a fresh made bed


-the temperature in Vegas is about 65 degrees right now

-the Hummer dealership in Vegas is being turned into a Smartcar dealership. A rare silver lining in our horrid economy. Man, are Hummers obnoxious! If you are a male and you drive a Hummer, everybody knows you are trying to compensate for something. Why don't you just wear t-shirt that says you have a really small penis?

-Tony Romo is back from his injury.

-My new scratching post...ohh wait. I don't have new scratching post!!

-cold beer

-being silly



-a fresh can of nip

-Kitty Kaviar, you really have to try this stuff.


-I overcame my addiction to America's Next Top Model.

-I'm now addicted to Real Housewives of Atlanta. Go ahead, laugh.

-most all, my Mama!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Iz nots a complete moron.



I don't get offended easily. But I've been getting some disturbing e-mails recently. These ridiculous cat picture e-mails. I posted a couple examples. They show photos of cats in different situations with some stupid caption. These are extremely offensive. They make cats look like complete idiots. Who says "can I seeps wif yuo"? What makes you people think we talk like that? What does putting the U before the O accomplish? And what self respecting feline asks for permission to sleep somewhere? Just plop your ass down and go to sleep! It's not even funny. Anybody can add a caption to a picture and be somewhat humorous. It's not hard. I've gotten these e-mails from numerous sources. There is even a book out that has these things. People are really paying money for this crap? Who's started this chain? Joke e-mails have really gotten out of hand. Everybody thinks they have a really original one. But I get the same ones all the time. These things travel like a contagious virus. Is this what you people do at work all day? No wonder the economy is going hell. But if you read my blog at work. By all means keep doing what you're doing.

Myz fwifteen mwiniets is ovwer!


Howz Ize gonna fwind da wheel kwillers fwom Nevwada Stwhate pwison?

I told you it's not hard. I could have posted a thousand of these things. I even passed up the Britney Spears/Lindsey Lohan no panty pictures and Tara Reid's nipple slip. Seemed way too easy.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

DECISION '08: BONO'S COMPLETELY BIASED THOUGHTS ON THE ELECTION

It's just about here. Finally. I can't remember not hearing about campaign news. Of course I have my own personal thoughts, feelings, slant. Whatever you want to call it. If you don't agree that's fine. If you want to raise some counter points to my thoughts feel free. I don't take it personally, like all to many people in this Country do. While it is important, I think people take this stuff a little to personal sometimes. If you have read my blog before you know most of my political leanings are to the left. I'm hoping Obama wins but like most Democrats I was to lazy to actually vote. If you remember from my first ever blog posting I stated I got connected to a precinct in Chicago that lets me (a cat) vote as an absentee as many times as I wanted. They sent me a couple dozen ballots. I kept meaning to fill them out. But I ended up using most of them as drink coasters. Carty actually sent about a half a dozen in with Sarah Palin as a write in vote. He wants just her to be President. He doesn't want her on the ticket with McCain. Carty doesn't really care about politics, but with Palin being a hockey Mom that does shout outs, he's completely smitten. Now, I'd like to explain the reasoning for my rooting interest. Despite being a registered Democrat I do fall on the right on a few issues. I'm an Evangelical Christian, not big on abortion, annoyed by women with arm pit hair. I don't give a rats ass about the environment. This is an easy stance for a cat. We don't live very long. What do I care what the planet will look like 50 years from now? I've never done it but I can totally see how firing a high power assault rifle could be a great time. Especially after drinking eighteen Natural Light's in the back of a pickup with a Confederate flag hanging in the back window. Also, I'm not that high on Obama. I admit the guy might be more sizzle than steak. With that said you're probably asking why are you voting Democrat? I have two major reasons. 1. A few years back John McCain tried ban gambling on collage sports here in Vegas. This is simply unforgivable. This goes against every fiber of my being. This anti-gambling stance in common among the religious right. It completely hypocritical also. They call gamblers sinners. But people are now being fleeced of money they "invested" in the stock market or real estate. If you buy stock or by a house there are no guarantees the you will get a damn thing back. You are putting up money with the hope, but no guarantee you will get a higher return in the future. This by definition is gambling. Gambling may well be a sin, but if you contribute to a 401k or bought a house with the hope of selling it for a profit at a later date, you can spare me the lecture on how I'm a sinner for betting $25 on a football game. Reason 2. I've seen Republicans govern. Born in 2002 that's all I've been subjected to. If they were as good at governing as they are at winning elections it would be great. I suppose the Democrats can be worse. But, being the gambler that I am. I'll take my chances. This brings me to another thought. The same people that told be to vote for Bush in '04 are telling be to vote for McCain now. And for all the same reasons. If you are trying to convince people to vote for McCain, It would be a good idea to make it clear that you realize the Bush Presidency has been a grease fire. We would at least like to know that we are dealing with a rational person. Then you can start explaining how McCain will be different. The McCain/Palin ticket would be doing better if they has changed their campaign slogan from "Country First" to "McCain/Palin:We'll do all the shit a good Republican President is supposed to do". If you don't think that the G.W.B. regime has been a mess ponder this. If somebody in November 2001 told you that in November 2008 it was quite possible the President elect would be an African-American with the middle name of Hussein and his last name was one letter off from being Osama. What would you have said? Yes, the phrase "Get the f@#K outta here" came to my mind also....Here are few other random thoughts that I have regarding the election.

-My Dad has a better education than Sarah Palin(she has a journalism degree from the vaunted academic powerhouse of the University of Idaho). My Dad grew up in New Mexico. You can see Mexico from New Mexico. Most Republicans believe that Mexicans pose a bigger threat to America than Russians. He's been keeping an eye on them Mexicans. So my Dad has more foreign policy experience than Palin. My Dad is Mexican. But don't worry I've been keeping an eye on him too.

-I can admit it. Relatively speaking. Barack Obama has not really accomplished a whole lot.

-Obama did graduate magna cum-laude from Harvard. Which is still more of an accomplishment than anything Sarah Palin has done. Being a popular Governor in a homogeneous State is not much of an accomplishment.

-Joe Biden might be the most boring person in America.

-I've seen numerous sources claiming that Obama is the anti-Christ to convince people to not vote for him. From my limited knowledge on the subject that I've gotten from reading the Bible, the "Left Behind" books and about ten minuets of research on the Internet most expert opinions fall into two categories. 1-For some reason a bunch of religious people(non-Catholics) think that the Pope is the anti-Christ. Not just the current Pope, but everyone that has came along. 2-The most common opinion is that the anti-Christ will be a relatively young politician, that will quickly rise to power, will have the adulation of the World but in the end will be very deceptive. Somebody nobody would suspect. On this surface Obama seems like an obvious fit. He may be. But I have my doubts. There are a couple missing pieces. First, every Evangelical south of the Mason-Dixon line thinks he's the anti-Christ. So the surprise element in gone. Also, he does not have the adulation of the world. Actually, he barely had the majority of support with his own party. And win or lose, he will struggle to get %50 of the popular vote. If he starts doing things that gets the adulation of the World maybe we should start worrying. Finally. Doesn't Sarah Palin fit the same criteria Obama does? I became suspicious after her big shopping spree in NY. The Devil just might be wearing Prada... If you believe that the Book of Revelation is God's will. Is not voting for Obama going to stop it from happening? Am I missing a chapter in my Bible that tells us how to prevent all the bad stuff in Revelations?

-As nod to my Republican friends I'll end with a quote from John McCain that I found interesting and humorous. It was directed to his Congressional opponent that accused him of Carpetbagging when he first ran for congress in 1982.

"Listen, pal. I spent 22 years in the Navy. My father was in the Navy. My grandfather was in the Navy. We in the military service tend to move a lot. We have to live in all parts of the country, all parts of the world. I wish I could have had the luxury, like you, of growing up and living and spending my entire life in a nice place like the First District of Arizona, but I was doing other things. As a matter of fact, when I think about it now, the place I lived longest in my life was Hanoi."