Bono's NFL Preview....Part 2

Before I get to the rest of my preview I'm shocked and appalled by the comment Cindy made about my Mama's birthday wish. 1st of all, I'm shocked anyone still reads my blog. I had no idea. I just kept writing it for my own entertainment. Boy, I hope no Cubans are reading my blog. I can be in some real trouble. 2nd, I'm appalled at Cindy calling my Mama an old bag. An old bag!! That is unacceptable. Maybe a slightly worn bag or a bag with minor tattering on the corners, but certainly not an old bag. One more outburst like that and I'll demand her Bono's Best of Vegas '08 banner back.....We'll back to my NFL preview. Today is the NFC(National Football Conference).

NFC EAST

Dallas Cowboys(12-4): My 'Boys are on a mission this year! They'll be in the Super Bowl......My Grandma Berlinda was a huge fan of the TV show Dallas. When she got transferred to night shift at work in the early 80's, she paid $1200 for a VCR to record Dallas and Dynasty.

Philadelphia Eagles(9-7): They had injury problems last year. They should be back in the playoffs.......The thing I love about Philly. It is the birthplace of our Nation. The freakin Declaration of Independence was signed there. But now it's more famous for a beef and cheese sandwich? Only in America. Another thing about Philly. They have a statue of Rocky in front of their Art Museum. Yes, they have a statue of a fictional movie character. It one of the biggest tourist attractions in the city. I'm guessing they have some statues of say Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson etc. But the Rocky statue gets all the attention. Again, only in America. I think Vegas should get bronze statues of fictional characters from Vegas movies. Charlie and Ray Babbit from Rainman. A statue of a tanked up Nicholas Cage from Leaving Las Vegas holding a snifter of gin in front of City Hall. Don't tell me Mayor Goodman won't go for that.

Washington Redskins(9-7): They have the most politically incorrect name in sports....DC serves as the center of all three major branches of our government(executive, legislative and judicial). This was decided well before the nuclear age. Now that a single bomb can destroy an entire city, shouldn't we be giving this structure a second thought? I know it not the most uplifting thing to talk about, but I just thought I would throw it out there.

New York Giants(6-10): They sucked last year but still won the Super Bowl. They suck again this year......Have you ever wondered how Sarah Jessica Parker's character on Sex in the City has a $10k a month apartment in Manhattan? She works for a free newspaper!!....Yes, I admit it. I watch Sex in the City. We all have our embarrassing little things.

NFC SOUTH

New Orleans Saints(12-4): They'll be back in there 2006 form this year.....There is another hurricane heading there way as I type this. So they'll probably be playing in San Antonio this year. Quick, somebody get Brownie on phone!!

Carolina Panthers(7-9): I can see them in the playoffs or winning 3 games.....Charlotte is one of the Nations largest banking centers. Bank of America and Wachovia are based there. This also qualifies the City as one of the Nations largest centers of Dipshits.

Tampa Bay Buccanneers(9-7): Their quarterback Jeff Garcia is half Irish and half Mexican. Somehow he's not an alcoholic.......Most people don't know that Tampa Bay just refers to the area of Tampa Bay. The city itself is just called Tampa. No Bay. Surveys have concluded that people don't know this because they really don't give a shit.

Atlanta Falcons(6-10): They suck.......I can't believe that this city actually hosted an Olympics. Olympic cities: Athens, Barcelona, Paris, London, Rome, Sydney, ATLANTA? A city that has a significant number of residence named Scooter has hosted an Olympics. I'll never get over it.

NFC NORTH

Green Bay Packers(9-7): They'll be ok without Favre.....How the hell did Green Bay get a pro football team? Do you know where Green Bay is? I punched in directions to Green Bay into my Mama's GPS navigator for her car to find out. It told me to go f**k my self.

Detroit Lions(9-7): They'll be so so before going back to being terrible again next year......This city is a real dump. It's not as bad a Oakland because it sits on a significantly less appealing body of water

Minnesota Vikings(8-8): Their quarterback is a joke......The Republican National Convention is there next week. They had to hire additional staff for the concession stands at the arena. This is the 1st time in 8 years the Republican Party has created new jobs for actual Americans with in the boarders of the Country. They create plenty outside the boarders. Those ones usually include dodging road side bombs though. The ones they create with in the boarders go to illegal immigrants. That concrete isn't going to lay it self, you know. Ironic isn't it?

Chicago Bears(3-13): This team is going to be really bad. My Dad went to college with their linebacker Brian Urlacher. Since collage Brian is well into a Hall of Fame career. My Dad has accomplished nothing of note......Barack Obama's crazy pastor's church is in Chicago. I want to go there. I've always wanted to go to a black church where they yell out affirmations during the service. Like, "amen", say it again brother", "got that right", "hallelujah", "the truth will set you free!". It just seems like they are having allot more fun than at my church.

NFC WEST

Seattle Seahawks(9-7): They'll win this bad division.....This city perfected Grunge Rock and Roll and overpriced coffee beverages. Just like grunge the rest of America if finally catching on that the overpriced coffee is really not that good.

St. Louis Rams(9-7): Las Vegas native Stephen Jackson their starting running back....Carty thinks St. Louis BBQ is better than KC BBQ. We both take our BBQ very seriously. This is a big source of tension between us.

Arizona Cardinals(7-9): They have won one playoff game since the 1930's.......When people from Las Vegas think your city gets to hot in the summer you have issues.


San Francisco 49ers(5-11): Their quarterback is name J.T. O'Sullivan. It sounds like the name of a guy owns a pub that has Guinness on tap, not an NFL QB......In my last blog I said I wanted my Dad to take my Mama to all crab related cities. This is the only crab related city my Dad has taken my Mama. Other cities where you can catch crabs. Portland, Maine. Anchorage, Boston, Parumph, Bangcock, Amsterdam, North Las Vegas. Oh, that makes it two cites she's been to where you can catch crabs.


Super Bowl: Cowboys beat Jacksonville