Happy Birthday Mama!!!!

It my Mama's Birthday. I wanted to publicly wish her Happy B-day on my blog. Her birthday is the only one I care about, so nobody else better be expecting any birthday wishes out of me. How old is she? None of your f***in business! That's how old she is. Let's just say she is aging like fine wine and leave it at that.

Bono's Olympic Preview

The Olympics start tomorrow. I'm kind of looking forward to them. Ok not really, but they only come along every four years so I guess I'll talk about them. What's odd about the Olympics is that women actually watch them more than men. My Mama remarked to me that she was looking forward to them. Especially the gymnastics and ice skating. I had to break it to her that these are the summer games, which do not include ice skating, which happens in the winter games. That tamed her enthusiasm somewhat. Another thing that is interesting about the Olympics is it's an event that stands for pretty much the complete opposite of what it is intended for. They're supposed to be about fair, friendly competition. Where Nations can set there differences aside and come together for a celebration of sport. However it quickly morphed on to a place where the athletes cheat with performance enhancing drugs at a higher rate than any other realm of sport. And it's a place where political discourse is actually enhanced and magnified. We've seen numerous examples of this. The killing of Jewish athletes in Munich in '72. The US and USSR boycotting each others games in '80 and '84. This year the Olympic torch relay, where the torch is paraded around the world, was tainted by protest due to China's human rights violations. Not to mention they eat cats, dogs, chicken feet. What about those violations? Is there anything those people won't eat? Now they are considering scrapping the relay altogether in future games. The relay is a tradition that was started in the 1936 games by the Nazis, so scrapping it probably not a bad idea. There are two things I really like about the Olympics. The first one is when we beat other nations at sports that they love, but we really don't give a rats ass about. In Europe and Asia, sports like swimming, track and gymnastics are a big deal. Front page of the newspaper kind of stuff. Here nobody pays any attention till the Olympics. Even then, it will be over shadowed by Brett Favre coverage. But yet we win a large number of medals in these events. I find it particularly satisfying because that vast majority of our best athletes play football(a none Olympic sport). So there we are beating all these smelly Euros with our 3rd and 4th stringers. I remember in the last Olympics when the US girls won the gymnastics gold medal, the 15 year old girls from Romania and Russia were crying their eyes out because they had disgraced their entire nation after years of near starvation to maintain weight and torturous training. While none of us here in the States really gave a shit if we won or lost at gymnastics. It was freakin awesome. USA! USA! The 2nd thing that I like is that lives of the athletes are pretty much defined by what takes place at them. They only happen one every four years. So these athletes train all that time for just one chance. I all has to go right or you are eternally remembered as a failure. Every thing has to go right that specific day. You can't be tired, you have pray you don't have a cold, wake up with the shits. There are dozens of ways to lose an event but only one way to win. It has to be perfect. For example Michelle Kwan was one of the best ice skaters ever. The thing she is remembered for is never winning a gold medal in the Olympics. You have to admit it makes watching a 14 year-old having to do a perfect back flip on a 4 inch beam with the weight of her nation on her shoulders incredibly compelling television......To enhance you viewing pleasure I have listed some predations below. This is all based on intense research and film study. It should be all you need to guide you through the games.....

Men's 100 meter dash.....Some black dude from the USA or Jamaica. We'll find out 2 years from now he was on steroids.

Womens 100 meter dash...Some black chick from the USA. We'll find out she was on steroids 2 years from now.

Men's 400 meter....There is actually some white guy from the USA that is the defending gold medalist in this event. No really a white guy won a track and field event. You can look it up. He as to be cheating somehow too.

Men's marathon....A really skinny guy from Kenya

Men's Soccer....A European country where they don't shower very often. You know France, Spain, Italy. The usual suspects.

Woman's Gymnastics....This was a tough one. The US and China have loaded teams. The Russians and Romania are always strong. As mentioned before politics always comes into play in the Olympics. With the Games being a communist country the US is going to getting the shitty end of the stick in events that are judged subjectively like gymnastics. Ultimately I think it will be won by a Russian or Romanian chick that has a name with no vowels and to pronounce it correctly you would have to make a sound similar to the one I make when I hack up a fur ball.

Men's Gymnasitcs......A Chinese guy who's name starts with an X or a South Korean guy with Kim somewhere in his name. And if they didn't have their country's uniforms on you would not be able to tell the difference between them. Yeah, I know that can be percieved as being kind of racist but just watch. If its not true I'll take it back. But I won't have to because you won't be able to tell the difference between them.

Men's basketball....A loaded US team will find a way to lose this. Probably to a bunch of long haired Argentinian guys that look like Antonio Banderas. They should be ashamed.

Baseball.....Cuba. They can do baseball and cigars but not much else. I can't believe Fidel is still alive. I wasn't sure. I had to look it up. How come our nemesis never die? This guy will still be around when Jenna Bush's kid is President. Thank God I won't be around for that.

Boxing.....A bunch of Cuban dudes that would not go down if you beat them in head with 2x4's. I guess you could add boxing to baseball and cigars.

Carty's guest blog

Hi. I'm Carty. Bono's big brother. No, this is not going to be a common thing. I owed Bono a favor so I told him I would do a guest blog for him while he is on vacation. The world does not need another blog. Especially another cat blogger. Personally I can't believe a single person/cat whatever actually reads these things. I can't even read a blog from an interesting person. Much less some random cat...First, I'll tell you a couple things about me. My full name is Cartier. After the jewelry store/maker whatever. My mom said my fur looks like platinum and diamonds, so that how I got my name. I'm not quite the bumbling idiot my brother portrays me to be. I admit I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed but I'm not a complete moron either. Also, aside from being cats me and Bono are opposite in just about every way imaginable. He is a clean freak. It boarders on OCD. I'm dirty. I'll eat just about everything. He is very picky. I can watch a sporting event with out having money on it. Bono can't. I could go on but you get the point. Crap, I'm already dragging on like Bono does. I promised my self I wouldn't do that. Anyway there was nothing in particular I wanted to talk about so I had Bono request that questions be submitted for me to answer to take up some space. Here they are.

Q: Carty, Is Bono really as much of "Mama"'s boy as he comes off in his blog. That's all that bastard talks about.......Fluffy. Elko, NV.
A: No, he's not. It's really much worse in reality. He's pretty much attached at her hip. It's embarrassing really.

Q: Carty, Bono tries to portray himself as a real ladies cat. Who pulls more chicks, you or him......Jose. Barstow, Ca.
A: Quantity wise it would definitely be me. Like I said before we are complete opposites. Bono gets better looking chicks, but I'm more into quantity over quality. Bono's actually snagged a couple 10's in his day. But I would take five 2's over one 10 any day. There all beauty queens in the dark, if you catch my drift.

Q: Carty, Can I have The Office Season 2 DVD you borrowed from me back? It's been a year and a half......Peaches. Las Vegas, NV.
A: I'll see if I can find it.

Q: Carty, Is you brother as much of a know it all prick as he seems to be? How do you live with him?....Max, Henderson, NV.
A: No, it's much worse in reality. He has an answer for every thing. He expects to have everything his way. He does not even eat in our designated areas anymore(see below). He has my mom or dad bring him his food to him wherever he's in the mood to eat it. How do I live with him? He's my brother, what am I going to do?


Q: Carty, Orale bro! I have a computer now, holmes. Tell your hermano that he still owes me cash from my last drop off. And tell him if keeps talking mad shit about me on his blog I'm going to kick his ass. Laters..........Flaco, Las Vegas. NV.
A: Ok.

Q: Carty, your Dad and Bono seem to gamble quite a bit. Does this upset your mom?
A: No. The gambling doesn't bother her. It's their losing that she can't stand.....Phyllis, Mesquite. NV.

Q: Carty, Bono talks about drinking and booze in all of his blogs. I remember one where he said he drank a whole bottle of wine in one day. That's quite a bit for one cat. Don't you think he needs help?
A: No, I don't. I help him sometimes, but he can usually finish the whole bottle just fine all by himself......Dave, Rio Rancho. NM.

That's it. I guess blogging wasn't that bad. I might be back. See Ya.

I WILL BE ON VACATION THIS WEEK

Carty will be guest blogging this weekend. Leave any questions you have for him in the comments section or e-mail them to bonogabaldon@yahoo.com.....I be off getting away from my usual busy life. Have a nice weekend.

It's been a while.....

I didn't intend to wait this long before I blogged again. But I has been a very busy couple of weeks. For the last month or so my Mama has been working on her jewelry/art for a craft show this weekend. She was working it pretty diligently. Even canceling a vacation to San Diego to get work done. Well, I got caught up in all the hoopla. Her and Cindy split a booth at the show. I just had to get in on the action. One problem. I suck at art. I doubt my Derby Easter eggs would have went over well at this thing. So I got to thinking about what I could do. Then last weekend it finally clicked. I mix a wicked margarita. I decided I was going to move in on my Mama's territory at her show. I was going to set up a margarita stand. I was going to call it Bono's Paw Crafted Margaritas. I went to work on it right away. I tested all sorts of recipes. I spent a fortune in ingredients. Not to mention waking up hung over every morning. Carty was testing the recipes with me for the first few days. He tapped out sometime on Wednesday. He said his liver was sore. Lightweight. My Dad helped test also but he was a wet blanket all week when it came to my idea of setting up a booth at the show. He kept saying that you need a licence to sell booze. I dismissed his comments. I figured people sell all kinds of crap at these things. Nobody would even notice me. Plus, I thought he was jealous because he didn't think of the margarita stand idea before I did. It turns out he was right. On Friday morning I was wheeling my wagon full of ingredients in to the show. It was held in a vacant suite in a strip mall. I wasn't 10ft through the door before some lady asked me what I was doing. She was like "excuse me ahh, sir, cat, whatever. Is that alcohol there". I was like "yeah". She said "you can't sell that here. You need a license". I tried to talk my way out if it. I came back with this "License?, Your sign outside is made out of bed sheet? You'll be lucky to get any customers in this place begin with, I highly doubt whatever government agency that enforces licensing laws will be coming by this place. Plus, there is a lady over there selling fudge. Where is her license? She could be making that stuff in a kitchen full or rat turds for all we know". It didn't work. My dream was over before it ever got off the ground. I hung around for a while anyway. I found out Cindy(Bono's Best of Vegas '08 winner for best local artist) is an "art celebrity". It was quite an experience being part of her entourage for a while. I finally left after fighting through the paparazzi.

I wanted to touch on one subject. I guess in my Mama's little art world, there has been some controversy lately over the possibility of people copying other people's work. It seems some people are really pissed off about it. I think its silly because this art world that my Mama is part of really is small. It a circle of people that take the same classes, study the same techniques, read the same books, magazines, blogs and web sites. Now they're surprised when they all start creating the same shit. What do they expect to happen? Stuff like this happens even in larger artistic realms. Just look at music. Everybody is ripping everybody else off constantly. I thought Creed was Pearl Jam the first time I herd them. I swear Garth Brooks sings all of Keith Urban's songs for him. Play Garth's early stuff. You'll be amazed how close it sounds to Keith Urban. My Mama listens to a Christian singer names Jackie Velazquez. It's J-Lo singing about Jesus. She even lifts the beats from J-Lo. I guess what I'm saying it that nobody is truly original. That's just the way it is. Sorry you had to find out this way. With that said, I do think you need some level of creativity. The booth across from my Mama, the people were selling signs(see photo above). Painted wood with words, quotes, lyrics, symbols and letters. Anybody can do this crap. It takes lumber, a jigsaw, stencil and paint. Not to mention the copyright infringement. One sign said "My blood type is Starbucks". One had the lyrics to "Take me out to the ball game". Wow, not that's what I call art. Thank God nobody was buying this garbage....Also, to not be hypocritical I'll share some recipes from Bono's Paw Crafted Margaritas. They took countless hours to perfect. Feel free to rip them off...on all the recipes just assume the base is lime juice and Triple Sec unless otherwise noted. You can use the pre-mixed stuff also if you want...

Bono's Key Lime pie-arita...use key lime juice, add just a touch of heavy cream, shake well, plus add whipped cream on top. Garnish with a graham cracker on the whipped cream mound.

Bono's Maui Woowie Margarita....replace 1/2 your lime juice with pineapple puree. It adds a great texture. Garnish with pineapple slices.

Bono's Jamaican-me crazy margarita....replace tequila with Jamaican rum. Add sugar/sweetener to bring out the rum flavor better.

Bono's Sandiarita.....It's a watermelon margarita(Sandia means watermelon in Spanish)....puree watermelon and add watermelon liquor for best results.

Bono's El Patron Margarita.....must use Patron tequila. Use key lime juice, reqular lime juice, lemon and orange juice. Add a shot of Grand Marnier Orange liquor. This was named in honor of my late Uncle Cheesie. He was my Mama's Cat at her childhood house in Edgwood, NM. My grandpa gave him the nickname of Patron, hence the El Patron name. My grandpa used to scratch his head so much in one spot that eventually he was bald there. He also knocked up all the lady cats in the neighborhood so there are lots of decendents around. I hope none of them call to ask for money one of these days......

My Mama is not going to like this.....

I'm reluctant to blog about this because my Mama gets really jealous when it comes to other women being in my life. I don't know why. You'll have to get that explanation from her. I went out on another date with the girl I brought to my Dad's lame birthday party. Oh, I found out why strawberry margaritas were not on the invitation. There were no invitations! That would be a good way to get people to a party. Anyway, a few days before his party I met a lady kitty named Reba at a get together a mutual friend of our's had. She lives with a redneck couple a block or so down the way. Darrell and Mabeleene. Since we were both named after musicians we got to talking and kind of hit it off. After the birthday party debacle we kept talking but we didn't have a 2nd date till Saturday. I took her to the Peter Frampton concert. It went really well. Since she endoured the party and the concert of my choice, so I thought I would do something nice for her. With her being a country girl I took her to Toby Keith's I love this Bar&Grill at Harrah's. Some people think this is a total sell out by Toby, but I don't. Just refer to my last blog for my thoughts on celebrity commercialism. Also he needs as many sources of income as possible to keep up with Exxon, Halliburton, Blackwater and Iran as the entities that have benefited the most from 9/11 and subsiquent wars. On walls of the restraunt they run a video of Toby's song "Love this Bar". Go here for the video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q85rPq1u9sc . I've got to tell you this place does not resemble the bar in the video at all. When we got there, Reba wanted to sit at the bar. We sat down and the "bartender" was I guess making drinks. It was kind of hard to tell. He was back there juggling the bottles around, flipping glasses, throwing an ice scoop ten feet in the air. Basically doing everthing but making a drink. It took me about 10 miniutes to finally get Lance Burton's attention. I ordered a Bud Light, Reba ordered an Appletini. Bozo the Clown immidatley went into his act. In the middle of his routine I asked if he could just hand me my beer. I'll open it myself. No need for theatrics, thank you. This would never take place in Toby's video bar. In fact if the bartender tried something like this in a redneck bar like in the video, I'm pretty sure this bartenter would get the shit kicked out of him. Also they have sirens go off every now and then, I have no idea why. Then the bartenders start running around the bar blowing whistles. All this did was scare the living shit out of us about every five minetes. Also, there were a few Blacks and Mexicans in the place. With the Confederate flag hanging behind Toby in the video I doubt any of them would have been welcome in the bar. We'll toward the begining of the video there is a fat Mexican guy that kind of looks like New Mexico governor Bill Richardson, so I might be wrong. I doubt the video bar has $6 beers also. Does Toby know they charge six bucks for beers? The food was pretty good though.... All this got me thinking, all this bottle juggling got started back in the late 80's when the movie Cocktail came out. It's actully one of my favorite bar movies. So in the next day or two I'll be back with my list of Best Bar Movies and Songs.

I have a big weekend planned....

I'm going to Red Rock Casino this weekend to see Peter Frampton(washed up 70's/80's guitarist), Dave Navarro(washed up Seattle grunge guitarist, now more famous for banging Carmen Electra) and Diamond Rio(washed up country band). It's all part of a summer series of outdoor concerts at Red Rock featuring a slew of washed up musical acts. It's freakin awesome!! I've already seen Crosby and Nash(washed up folk rockers) a couple weeks ago. I don't know where Stills are Young were at. Last week I saw Slash(washed up Guns+Roses guitarist). If you look at my favorite musical acts I have a thing for music acts that are either washed up or dead. I can't explain why I like it. Maybe it's seeing people trying to grasp at past glory. Maybe the thought of these guys needing their next paycheck as much as the rest of us makes me feel a little better about my own standing in life. I don't know. But what's really cool is this is all taking place right down the street. I don't even pay to get in. I can just slide through the cracks of a couple fences and I'm in. I just lay back a little and pretend I'm a stray. Not that anybody really notices me anyway. We'll actually one of the security officers did. It turns out it was some black dude that lives down the street from me. We ended up splitting a doobie and debated which bar-b-que is better. Memphis or Kansas City. It's KC paws down. Now he clears a little spot out for me on a ledge. It's worked out great....I noticed one thing a couple of these guys have in common. Slash and Peter Frampton have recently been featured in commercials. Frampton is in a Geico commercial. They must be in a contract dispute with the Gecko. Slash is pitching for Guitar Hero the video game. Product endorsement used to be highly taboo in the music industry. Frampton would have never tried to pull this off at the height of his powers in the 70's and 80's. Some people still frown upon this. But it's usually from people that are fans of musicians that would never be offered endorsements anyway. You'll hear some jerk-offs that like metal or punk rock criticize these guys. But the people they listen to would never get endorsement of because their favorite "artist" are either a)strung out on heroin b)wear dark black eye shadow c)worship satan d)all of the above. Not much you can endorse with that profile. That is unless they start making commercials for methadone (don't put this past pharmaceutical companies). So it's easy to bash others for taking the money. I bet if Marilyn Manson was offered a Geico commercial he would take it in a heart beat. I haven't heard from that guy in years. He has to be in dire need of a paycheck right now. Well back to Slash. He does a commercial for Guitar Hero. Since we got the Wii I've sofend my stance on guys that play this game that think they are really are Guitar Heroes by playing a little plastic guitar. After becoming addicted to Wii golf, I find these guys slightly less pathetic. One thing I hope this commercial helps is the re-emergence of the top-hat. I love those things. With my black and white fur I really think I can make one of those work on myself. Considering they haven't been popular in roughly 60 years. I doubt it will happen. But I hope it's the new big fashion trend. It worked for Willy Wonka, Fred Astaire and Mr. Peanut, I think I could make it work as well.