Bono's Family's Annual Newsletter

I'm doing a family newsletter this year. Is that what they are called? You know those things that your more successful relatives mail you every year with their Holiday wishes. They subtly let you know that they have more money that you. Their kids are smarter than yours, they've been to better places than you and have better stuff than you do. I can't stand those things. Nobody can stand those things. Even the people that send them don't like them. They do it to piss you off. Your "loved ones" are actually buying envelopes and stamps to go out of their way to make you fell a little worse about yourself. These letters rank right next to fruit cake in Holiday Traditions that nobody likes but take part in them anyway. If I dislike them so much why am I doing one my self? Being the thoughtful cat that I am I decided to do a letter to make you fell a little better about your self. Consider it my gift you. Here it is....

Merry Christmas everyone!!! Hope you are all are doing we'll. This past year the Gabaldon Family has accomplished pretty much nothing. We may have gone backward actually. Carty still eats too much, he's always late whenever he needs to be somewhere, constantly into mischief and pisses off everyone around him. My Dad is up to his same old antics. You know watching football, eating too much, couldn't pick his nose, much less a winner when he goes to the race track. My Mama still eats too much, she's always late whenever she needs to be somewhere and pisses off everyone around her. Except me. Now what have I been up to? We'll my motivational books are still not published. I had animal control called on me when I tried dropping my manuscripts off at Simon and Schuster. My blog has like two readers. I think. It might be just me now. I still drink and gamble a little too much. Other than that It been a pretty plain year. My Mama went to San Francisco a couple times. But she had to use the cheap skate Fun Fares(if you consider a 4 hour delay fun)from Southwest Airlines because that is all she can afford. Her and my Dad stayed at a musty old hotel the smelled like an old ladies closet and was built circa 1908. She loved it!! She didn't sell a whole lot at any of her craft shows. My Dad did get suckered into running her table at one of the shows. Can you be anymore whipped? My goodness! Just put on a bra and panties, really. We did make it to our vacation home in Albuquerque a couple times. It always nice to get away from the desert. I'm being sarcastic if you can't tell. Oh yea! Remember the Certified Used Mercedes my Mama bought and was so proud of? Well it turns out it was a Certified piece of shit. It been in the shop six times, the paint is now two-tone for some reason nobody can figure out and it's worth about half of what she paid for it. Tell everybody you know not to buy a car from Fletcher Jones Mercedes in Las Vegas. That's about it. I hope that cheers you up for the Holiday's!

I would like to thank every one that sent us cards and or gifts. Last year I complained that my Auntie Shiloh sent us one bite each of fudge. This year she sent us zero bites of fudge each. Shelly or as I call her Bono's Blog reader formerly known as Rochelle, sent us a picture of her and her husband Doug. I was just telling Carty the other day. "Hey, we need a picture of Bono's Blog reader formerly known as Rochelle and Doug". The best gift though were some cookies from my Mama's friend Tracy. Long story but she's convinced that my self and Carty are members of Al-Qaeda. Which is absurd. Because if I was going to be a member of a radical Islamic group it would Hezbollah. Everybody knows that. Anyway keeping this in mind I was thinking the cookies could be a possible assassination attempt. So I tricked my Dad and Carty into eating a couple of the cookies to see if anything happened before I let my self or my Mama get into them. They were clean and very good.